


call of the wild

by thishasbeencary



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, M/M, Sirens, YOI Shit Bang 2017, YOIShitBang2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishasbeencary/pseuds/thishasbeencary
Summary: After his failure at the Grand Prix Final in Sochi, Yuuri goes home, but home isn't back to Hasetsu. Home is the sea, where Yuuri lives as a siren, who feels as though he's a failure to his family because he's yet to place a successful Call on a mortal. It reaches Yuuri that Viktor Nikiforov has shown up in Hasetsu to coach Yuuri, and Yuuri doesn't understand why, and doesn't feel worthy. He's not even human, but for some reason, Viktor has chosen to coach him. Nonetheless he goes back to shore.For some strange reason, Viktor Nikiforov seems unbelievably attracted to Yuuri.(Or: The canon divergent au where Yuuri is a siren.)





	1. part i

**Author's Note:**

> guys have you ever wondered what canon would be like if yuuri was a siren? i have. enjoy my fic for shit bang!! sisterchris did some amazing art, which i'll link in the end notes of the fics. i still haven't gotten over how amazing the art is. i'll forever cry.
> 
> thank you to my amazing beta, [lydia-theda](http://lydia-theda.tumblr.com/), who was so so so helpful throughout this fic process and really really made it go so much smoother. also, [essa](http://gia-comeatme.tumblr.com/) and sammie for reading through the full fic to answer a few questions, and [lily](http://queenofaburiedkingdom.tumblr.com/) for encouraging me in my first section when i was immediately angry and helping me make it what i wanted it to be. 
> 
> i hope y'all enjoy the first yoi fic i ever considered writing.
> 
> my blog is [yoyoplisetsky](http://yoyoplisetsky.tumblr.com/)!! feel free to hit me up for prompts/talking to me/etc. i'd love to have you around.
> 
> the rest of the chapters will be up very very very soon (hopefully within the day) - they're all written, editing is just being a pain.

Yuuri Katsuki was a mess – a total disaster. He'd come in last place, his dog (the thing from the surface he loved the most) had died. And then the human that had convinced him to take up this sport (not that _Viktor_ knew or anything, but… well, Yuuri doubted he would have pursued something so difficult if not for watching Viktor Nikiforov when he was young) had completely blown him off, hadn’t even known who he was.

It was embarrassing. Not only had Yuuri completely screwed up his program at the Grand Prix Final, he’d also completely ignored Viktor Nikiforov, figure skating legend. Maybe it was worse than that, actually, because Yuuri didn’t just ignore Viktor – no, he straight-up walked away from him.

He had good reason, at least. Viktor Nikiforov had no reason to recognize him – whether as a fan or a competitor. Yuuri was never meant to go to the Grand Prix Final in the first place. He was never supposed to skate. He was never supposed to _walk_.

Why had he even left home? The ocean was nice, welcoming. He loved the ocean. It was where he belonged. But… for so many years, he’d pretended like that wasn’t true. He’d picked up this sport as a child, and he hadn’t looked back. Sure, he visited home whenever he was in Hasetsu, but never for long.

It was rare for a siren to be away from the water for so long, really. His tail constantly ached at this point, since he didn’t have a proper bathtub in his and Phichit’s apartment or in any of the hotels that he stayed in for competition, so he only got to transform if he got away late enough at night to sneak out to a lake or a pool and swim for a few hours.

Even then, though, it wasn’t the same, because chlorine irritated his scales and his anxiety kept him from being in the pool for too long, in fear of being caught. And the lakes were better, but they were also colder and more exposed. There was a much higher risk of him getting seen by a human, which he couldn’t do. They also weren’t salt water, which meant that so many of his adaptations, really, were useless in that environment.

It was probably weird, but when Yuuri ached most for home, when even the thought of walking was painful, he shoved the pain in his legs and his longing for the ocean into the back of his mind – and skated.

Yuuri liked the ice because it reminded him, in a strange way, of home. The flow of his skates against the ice, the easy movements, the smoothness. The ice was like home. Not Hasetsu, but _home_. Yu-Topia was great and all, he felt safe and happy there, and it fit most people's definition of “home”; Hasetsu gave him a place to claim he went back to after competitions, somewhere to skate for… but that was it. It wasn’t enough.

He’d fought so hard to get to this point, he’d thought he’d done it. If he was talented enough as a human, maybe he’d forget about his lineage as a siren, and he’d be able to escape and act human for the rest of his life.

Or, at least, until the end of his skating career. Then, Yuuri Katsuki could disappear off the face of the earth and return home, with at least _some_ accomplishment worth speaking of.

Instead, the one friend that kept him so thoroughly tied to the human world had died, and he’d come in last place at the Grand Prix Final. His career had ended at the age of twenty-three, and he was officially a failed siren and a failed human.

He blamed his true species for why he'd messed up so badly (well, and his anxiety). His step sequences weren’t the issue – he knew how to move his body to accommodate those sorts of things already. It was the jumps, it was learning how to use his feet and legs to empower himself, that he struggled with. And the anxiety. He was anxious at home, of course, but on land, his anxiety mixed with an uncertainty of the world around him, and it caused a whole lot of fuck-ups, especially since he was an ice skater. Honestly, what the hell was he thinking? He didn't even naturally have _feet_ , but he decided that he should absolutely do something that required highly intricate movements that were difficult for most _humans_.

Maybe the worst thing about it all was that he almost _preferred_ to be human. Human was easier (when you weren’t doing a sport that relied heavily on something you didn’t naturally have). Sure, humans also had weird laws and customs, but at least he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. As a siren, he had specific rules. Specific rules that it he seemed like he’d never attend to.

He'd never seduced someone, let alone seduced them to _death_. The closest he’d gotten was a few messy kisses in college, and inviting people back to his room only to remember that Phichit was still there, which led to awkwardly making out with them in the hallway before sending them away because he wasn’t about to do anything further with his roommate in the room, even though Phichit definitely would have left. (He also would have never stopped teasing Yuuri if he _did_ leave, and yeah. It was much better to just flee that situation before it really had time to start.)

If he were a _proper_ siren, he probably could have Called those boys in college, and used the strength from the Call to get Phichit out of their room before luring them to a lake or something and getting rid of them. But he… he couldn’t. He’d never Called anyone, he’d never killed anyone.

No, Yuuri preferred to disappear onto the surface for increasingly ridiculous amounts of time and come back like nothing had happened.

Nonetheless, he knew that it was time now. He’d go back to Detroit to finish college and wrap up the season, but considering the fact that he doubted he’d make it any further than Japanese Nationals, he could drop Celestino right after that.

And he could go back home.

Yuuri dragged his suitcase behind himself pitifully, keeping his eyes on the ground. There was no reason for him to pay attention to what was around him anymore, because it was too late. He should have known better. Now, he was hungover in an airport, thanks to a banquet he was dragged to, where he’d stood alone and drunk maybe a glass or two too much champagne before going back to his room and collapsing onto his bed still (mostly) dressed.

“You’re still the sixth best men’s figure skater in the world, Yuuri. Sixth place at the Grand Prix is far from a failure. You had a bad day. We’ll train well for Nationals, and you still might be put on the team for Worlds.” Celestino kept talking, but Yuuri ignored him, rubbing his temples instead.

“I’m going home after this season,” he blurted out, despite the fact that there could still be so much left of this season, if he managed to somehow make it to Worlds. If he made it to Worlds, he could go for another season, and maybe live up to his dream of skating competitively on the same ice as Viktor. “I… I’m graduating, and I want to go back to Hasetsu. I don’t know if I can skate any more. If I do, I can get Minako to coach me again, I guess, or… something,” he finished lamely, staring at his shoes.

“Yuuri, you still have a good chance of –”

He cut Celestino off before he could finish. “Making Worlds, I _know_. And if I make Worlds, I’ll skate it, I just… don’t think that I will, Celestino. And I don’t think I can make a comeback, so I just… want to go home. I’ll work in the hot springs, my parents will be glad for the extra help. Focus on Phichit. He’s got better chances than me now, anyway.”

“Yuuri, I’m not trying to tell you not to go home.” Celestino, apparently, was not dropping the conversation, and Yuuri held tighter onto his suitcase’s handle. “I’m just trying to say that you shouldn’t have so little faith in yourself. You’re a talented skater, who had a hard time with this competition. Before your free skate, you could have medaled.”

“But then I _failed_ my free skate, Celestino. It’s not just my worst this season, it’s my worst _ever_. And it’s probably just going to happen again. Maybe I should cut out the quads. I didn’t land any of them this time,” he muttered, his anxiety getting the better of him as he picked at the bottom of his sweater.

“Do you actually want that, Yuuri?” Yuuri stayed quiet this time, just walking alongside his coach, trying to decide what he was going to do. He wanted to go home. His legs ached with every step. Honestly, that was probably part of the problem with his performance this season. He’d been so off because he’d not been home in so long, and he just wanted to stretch his tail and escape.

“I don’t know,” he finally answered. They’d reached their gate. He set his skating bag next to his suitcase and dropped down into a seat, pulling his legs up to his chest and looking over at his coach. Celestino didn’t look disappointed in him, only confused and concerned. Yuuri had told him what had happened to Vicchan, and he was sure his coach was just trying to take care of him. “I just… I’m ready to go home. I think I already peaked.”

Yuuri sighed, resting his head against Celestino’s shoulder in exhaustion. He was comfortable with his coach, after training under him and practically living with him for so long. He loved Celestino, and everything that he’d done for him, but this was the end, really. Yuuri couldn’t skate any longer, whether he made it to Worlds or not. He had to go home. Maybe if he went home, after so long away, he’d finally give in to his instincts and Call someone, lure some human to their death, and finally be a true siren. That would be… ideal.

“That makes sense,” Celestino said kindly to him, letting Yuuri rest against him and watching the clock so he’d be sure to hear the announcement for their flight. “But you are talented, Yuuri. And you could go so far, with the right coach. You’re still young. I hope, spending time at home, you find that about yourself again. I’ll be here if you ever want to come back.”

“Thank you, Celestino, but I don’t think I will,” Yuuri mumbled, looking down at his phone with a sigh before closing his eyes.

He drifted to sleep there, waiting for their plane, only rousing when Celestino prodded him in time to board and later when they disembarked. Phichit met them at the airport, but he knew better than to talk to Yuuri about the competition. Yuuri fell asleep on his friend’s shoulder on the drive back from the airport.

Hours later, he was sitting in bed, sleepless, waiting for Phichit to fall asleep before he quietly got out of bed, pulling on some baggy clothes and sneaking into the gym. It was off-limits, of course, this late at night, but Yuuri had been here long enough to learn the ins and outs of the system so he’d be able to come in late at night, and get to the pool undetected.

He stripped out of his clothes, setting them into a neat pile so he’d be able to change back as soon as he needed to, before he slid into the water, closing his eyes and holding his nose shut as he let himself sink to the bottom.

Regaining his tail wasn’t like it was portrayed in media. It wasn’t a switch, where he got wet and suddenly he was a mermaid and he had to hide it. To get his tail back, he had to want it, he had to force himself into it, and Yuuri felt himself drowning, finally, when his gills opened up and his scales expanded across his legs, until he was finally in his natural form. The relief that accompanied the feeling of properly stretching his tail out bubbled up in his chest.

Which was worse?

The sharp pain of the change – a quick one, soon washed away by a wave of calm as dark blue scales enveloped his unnatural legs? After months of the competitive skating season, and years in America studying, it felt so freeing to return to the water.

Or, was it the sinking knowledge that he wouldn’t be returning to the shore, at least not anytime soon? When he got back to Hasetsu, he’d spend maybe a few days in the hot springs, but he couldn’t be like his family. He couldn’t stay there forever, he had to go back to the ocean. His family’s business made it easy for him, if he wanted to stay. He could sneak into the hot springs, stretch out his tail, and live like that. That’s how the rest of his family did it – but the rest of his family had done something that he hadn’t yet.

He hadn’t completed a Call, and he was already twenty-three. At this point, it was unlikely that he would. It wasn’t like sirens who hadn’t Called _couldn’t_ leave the sea, but what was the purpose of it if they were just going to wander the shores uselessly? Useless to their colony, and now, in Yuuri’s case, useless on the shore, too. That was why he had to go back to the sea.

It was a bittersweet feeling, nonetheless. The sea was home, but…

So was Hasetsu.

Why had he ever thought that becoming a figure skater was a good idea?

Yuuri had grown attached to the surface, attached to _humans._ How was he supposed to be a functional siren now? He’d never complete a Call if he was like this, if he _cared_ about them.

Yuuri knew it was irrational to cry underwater, but he couldn’t help himself, burying his face against his hands and sobbing, his tail curled tight around the lower part of his chest. He wasn’t meant for this. He should have just stayed home.

He stayed there for hours, swimming impatient laps. It was an uncomfortably small space, but it was better than nothing. When he got anxious like this, this was… the best way to remind himself of home, and to calm himself down. All of the lakes were too far away for him to get back early enough for morning practice with Celestino.

He finally pulled himself out of the water, taking a few gasping breaths of air to aid his gills in closing before grabbing the towel he’d brought and wrapping it around his shoulders, drying himself off as much as he could before getting dressed. He winced as his shirt dragged against the scales along his back. Those were the worst, because they tended to linger, even after he’d gotten rid of his tail. A swirling pattern up his back, considered beautiful at home, but frustrating when he had to hide it constantly. It went away after some time, but… it probably would be there for the rest of the night. Unlike his tail, the scales scattered over the rest of his body were much more reactive. They’d get scratchy and dried up and then finally fade away.

He wrapped the towel in his hair for a little longer, trying to will it to completely dry off. He dropped it into his bag after that, sitting on the pool floor as he let himself relax so he could focus on retracting his scales, absentmindedly putting his glasses on. A lot of sirens needed glasses or contacts on land, since it was so different than looking through water.

He went for a jog to work off the rest of his adrenaline, as well as to make sure that he didn’t seem suspicious if anyone saw him walking around campus in the middle of the night (or, for some, the very early morning). His route brought him back to his and Phichit’s apartment, and Yuuri opened the door quietly, setting his keys down and toeing out of his shoes before walking back to his bedroom, flipping on the light to see –

“Yuuri, where’d you go?” Phichit was sitting in _his_ (as in _Yuuri’s)_ bed, looking tired and confused at the fact that Yuuri wasn’t in his own bed, despite the fact that it was like 4 am and he really should be asleep too. Yuuri nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of his friend, who had definitely been asleep when he’d left the apartment, but that had been – Yuuri looked at the clock – nearly five hours ago. Phichit hopefully didn’t know how long he was gone.

“I –” Yuuri stopped in shock, staring at Phichit. He was glad that his hair was mostly dry, but it still felt like when he was young and got caught sneaking krill between meals. “I, uh, I was anxious, after the Grand Prix, you know, because… it was… bad,” Yuuri mumbled, walking into the room and closing the door behind him, hoping and praying that he didn’t smell terribly like chlorine, at least enough that he could get away with it. “And I couldn’t sleep, so… I went on a jog.” Yuuri walked to the foot of his bed and set his bag down, glad his towel was hidden in it. The last thing he needed was Phichit finding out his secret right before he left America forever.

“Yuuri! You could have woken me up, I’d have gone with you! Jogging alone at four am sounds awful.” Phichit patted the bed next to him, and Yuuri sat down, resting his head on his friend’s shoulder when prompted. The tears started to fall again, even though Yuuri hated crying. He didn’t want to look weak, especially not around someone so important to him.

“I already told Celestino, but I’m going home, Phichit. After the school year’s over. If I make Worlds, I’ll skate for that, but I’m done after that. I’m retiring,” Yuuri whispered, not wanting to keep the secret from his friend and roommate. “I’m sorry, I wish I could stay, but I can’t, I need to go home, I can’t stay here.”

“Yuuri, you don’t have to apologize. I’m homesick too, and you’ve been here longer,” Phichit answered, clearly worried. Yuuri tried to dry his tears so he wouldn’t freak out his friend even more. Phichit had _no_ idea. “You’ll still call and text me?” Phichit demanded, and Yuuri swallowed.

He wouldn’t have a phone at home, but Phichit didn’t know that. “When I have time. I’m gonna work for my parents again, they’ll appreciate the help. Maybe business has picked up again.” Yuuri knew that business was dismally slow, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going back to the hot springs, anyway.

“You better not just disappear on me, Yuuri. Or I’m gonna track you down to Japan and make you answer for it,” Phichit teased, grinning at Yuuri, who finally smiled, wrapping his arms around him.

“I am going to miss you, you know. I just… I’m ready to go home. It’s a good time.”

“It’s not, but I’ll let you go anyway,” Phichit answered, hugging Yuuri tight before letting him go. “It also means you have to let me sleep in your bed tonight. Sucks, that’s the rules.”

There were no rules that required Phichit sleeping in Yuuri’s bed, but he didn’t care. “I’m gonna shower first. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He had to hide the offending smell of chlorine, because Phichit would definitely notice if they slept in the same bed all night.

When he got out of the shower, Phichit was still awake, flipping through one of his magazines (one, Yuuri noted, with a picture of Viktor Nikiforov across the front, what a surprise). Yuuri set his things down before climbing into bed with his roommate and falling asleep.

Japanese Nationals, to put it _very_ kindly, were a shitstorm. Yuuri couldn’t land a single jump, and barely even got to perform his free program, nowhere near medaling despite competing in the Grand Prix Final earlier that year. He was in a slump from the Grand Prix, as well as… not caring nearly as much as he probably should. He was tired. He was done with skating.

He’d already resigned himself to going home and… figuring his life out. He’d Call someone, and that would be that, end of story. He’d finally actually accept his life as a siren and do what he was supposed to do.

He was glad to get on the plane back to Japan after he’d graduated, glad to escape from Detroit after so long. Not that he hadn’t loved his experiences there, but it was far past time that he just… left. It was far past time to move on.

He woke up as the plane pulled into the airport, and he dragged himself and his suitcase through all of the security checks, which was just far enough to hear his name yelled by a familiar voice – even if not one he necessarily wanted to hear at the moment.

“Yuuri!” Minako shouted.

Yuuri lowered his eyes to the ground as he made his way toward her. “I didn’t know you were going to be here. Figured you’d pick me up in Hasetsu.” On the surface, Minako was his ballet instructor. Beyond that, though, she was one of the most powerful sirens (and whispered to be one of the most beautiful) in his colony, even in her old(er) age. She was the one that convinced Yuuri that competing in something on the surface wasn’t such a bad idea – she’d been a ballerina for years before she made her first kill and finally retired to rejoin the colony.

Maybe he still had hope, then, since Minako still came and went as she wanted to, teaching ballet lessons in Hasetsu to all of the children who wanted her instruction. That would be… but he couldn’t teach skating if he couldn’t skate.

“I wouldn’t just leave you behind, Yuuri. Hiroko tells me you’re coming home this time?” Minako said meaningfully. Yuuri nodded.

“It’s been too long. I think… I’m gonna spend a few days on the surface, just to get everything in line here, but then I’m going home until… until I decide I can leave, I guess. Maybe forever. I think it’s time. Mom and Dad can handle the hot springs, and Mari already helps out with them,” Yuuri explained, fiddling with the edge of his coat.

Minako eyed him in slight disgust (or, at least, that’s how Yuuri interpreted it). “You’ve put on weight already?” she questioned, taking his suitcase as they made their way to the train station, and Yuuri curled his arms around his body.

“I was just… I’ll work it all off at home probably, it will be fine.” He turned red nonetheless. Minako stayed silent for the rest of the way back, and Yuuri was grateful for that, because he didn’t need more crushing disappointment weighing on his already heavy mind.

When he got home, Hiroko came bustling out of the kitchen, throwing her arms around him and holding him tight. “How long are you staying before you go home?”

Yuuri stared down at his hands. “A week or two, maybe?” he said, making no move to escape her hug. He was so glad that his family was happy to have him home, even though he’d failed them as a human and he was just going to disappear back into the water where he’d also fail them as a siren.

Not everyone in Hasetsu was a siren, far from it, but Yuuri’s family were. They ran a hot springs in Hasetsu, but the economy was failing, and Yuuri didn’t know why they didn’t just go back home.

Hiroko and Minako had met in the water, and come to the surface together – Hiroko with Toshiya, Minako on her own. Hiroko had only one successful Call in her life, and she never spoke about it, claiming that she liked her life on the surface better. Toshiya never mentioned how many Calls he’d performed, but Yuuri imagined it was more than his mother. Minako was one of the most accomplished sirens in their colony, and spent a lot of time on the surface working on that as well.

And then there was Yuuri, the black sheep of the family, at twenty-three not even having considered a Call.

“That’s so much time, Yuuri!” his mother said excitedly, pulling away from her hug. “You’re going to help in the hot springs?” Yuuri nodded, unable to deny her that. If all else failed, he could just stay here with them forever. He had gotten a business degree when he’d been in Detroit, so… helping out with the hot springs wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him.

“First…” Yuuri gestured vaguely, and Hiroko nodded, letting him past so he could go into the room they’d kept for Vicchan. Yuuri sat by the picture of his dog in silence, just breathing to himself.

This was why he couldn’t be the siren that he wanted to be. He made too many attachments to the human world, to things that he knew that he couldn’t keep. Things that would hold him back as a siren. Things like his dog, and ice skating, and his friends. Human friends, like Phichit, like… Yuuko.

A few days into his stay in the hot springs, he’d made up his mind – he was going to skate one more time, a routine that even the best skaters could barely perform, and then he’d disappear from the human world until he knew where he wanted to be. Yuuri made his way to Ice Castle Hasetsu in quiet contemplation.

“We’re closed!” Yuuko’s voice called out as soon as he pushed open the door, but Yuuri walked in anyway, his bag slung over his shoulder.

“I won’t be here long, I just wanted…” He trailed off, unsure how to explain himself, but he didn’t have to, not yet.

“Yuuri!” Yuuko shouted excitedly, pushing herself to the front of the counter, and Yuuri smiled at her. “You know you’re always welcome. Knock yourself out!” she exclaimed, waving him toward the rink.

Yuuri fiddled with the edge of his bag. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

Viktor Nikiforov had a program with such a high difficulty that people assumed he was the only one who could complete it – who would ever be able to complete it. Yuuri didn’t want it perfect, he just wanted… something.

Every night, he went back to the rink to practice, each day granting him some measure of calm, of surety. He wished he hadn’t already failed so much at the sport, because figure skating was always where he’d felt most comfortable. There was nothing like it at home. Skating was its own creature, and something that Yuuri was most reluctant to give up.

He couldn’t watch Worlds. Instead, he figured he’d use the time to perform his last skate, and headed to Ice Castle, where Yuuko was watching tv behind the counter. “Yuuri!” she called in surprise, glancing at him. “Viktor’s skating soon, I figured you’d be watching.” She laughed, gesturing to the screen, but Yuuri shook his head.

“I… I wanted to skate, actually. I’m going away for a while again tomorrow, I think, and I just… wanted to get this out of me before I did?” He spoke nervously, unsure of his own words, but Yuuko smiled kindly at him, like she always did. It frustrated him, really, how much he liked her smile. How attached he was to this human and her family.

“Oh! Go ahead in then,” she said, waving him off to the rink and turning back to the tv. But… that wasn’t what he needed.

“I… I was hoping you’d watch?” he said quietly, and she nodded after a moment, following him into the rink.

He took his time warming up, practicing figures and simple jumps, letting his body get back into the routine and mentally preparing himself for what he was going to do. Really, he shouldn’t be nervous, with just Yuuko watching, but something in him told him this had to be perfect. This had to be the most perfect routine he’d ever skated. It wasn’t like anyone else would even ever see this, but it felt like… something more.

“Ready,” Yuuri finally said, turning towards Yuuko and letting his arms fall into the opening pose. Faintly, he could hear the opening notes from Viktor’s program drift in from the tv, and he let in one last breath before beginning.

He didn’t think while he performed, only danced, skated like his life depended on it. For the first time in weeks, his body didn’t ache and his legs felt free once again as he danced across the ice and let all of his feelings out in this program that meant so much to him. Even though skating like this was keeping him from what he’d wanted for so long (to finally be a good siren), he never, ever wanted to stop.

He ended the program in tears, collapsing onto the ice, the pain finally returning full force. He took a few deep breaths before standing back up and smiling at Yuuko.

“Yuuri, that was amazing,” she whispered, and he ducked his head down, shrugging. “I thought you’d be sad, since you said you were quitting, but –”

Yuuri skated to the edge of the rink, only a little surprised when Yuuko threw her arms around him. “I was. I was… really depressed. But I got tired of it and wanted one last good skate before I went away again, so… I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said softly.

He stepped off of the ice, putting on his skate guards before he noticed that Nishigori and the triplets were in the room too, watching him with wide grins. “I… hi,” he said quietly, and was immediately tackled to the ground by three chattering girls.

He’d miss them too, but he… he had to go back to the water. His body was screaming for it, now more than ever.

As soon as he got back to the hot springs, he tucked his skates away somewhere where they’d be safe, but where no one would have any temptation to touch them. He stayed in his room until it was late at night, dark enough that no one would see him, before he went to Mari’s room, where she was sitting up reading.

“It’s time?” she asked, and he nodded his head, tugging at the edge of his loose shirt. He was wearing as little clothing as possible so she wouldn’t look suspicious bringing it all back to the hot springs. “Come back soon, Yuuri.” She wrapped her arms around him, and he leaned into her, nodding his head.

“I hope so. I just… I need to go,” he said, tears in his eyes again.

“I know. Hey, once you get one good Call in, you’ll feel much better, trust me.” Mari had Called someone a few years ago, and since then had stayed mostly at the hot springs, helping their parents out with the business.

“I hope so,” he mumbled, letting go of her and walking out to the beach. He took off his shorts first, passing them back to his sister before peeling off his shirt and looking out over the water.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said, stepping in and wading far enough to submerge his entire body. It burned for only a few seconds before his tail returned, and he could breathe freely through his gills. Time to go home.

Not even bothering to surface to say goodbye, Yuuri swam further into the water, deeper and deeper until his eyes readjusted and he could see their colony ahead of him, sparkling with shiny, reflective stones and lit by bioluminescent corals and algae. He swam on until he reached his family’s home in the village, a smaller hut built of a less reflective stone, tucked in the back of the residential area.

He slid in through the door, closing it behind him and swimming directly to his room, collapsing back against the bed of stone, anemone, and coral that had been arranged for as much comfort as he could gather in the water. He preferred human beds, the soft fluffiness of blankets and pillows much more appealing than the sandy texture of what he laid on here. At least the anemone tended to curl gently around the edges in protection through the night. There was a wrap of seaweed overtop of his bed, the best imitation of a blanket they could pull off beneath the water. While heat was no issue, comfort left much to be desired.

Exhausted from his journey home, Yuuri fell back asleep, waking early the next morning, ready to rejoin life in the colony. He swam from his hut, going to the market to get food (maybe he’d hunt another day, but today it wasn’t worth going past the village). He stayed quiet, greeting the people who welcomed him back and ignoring the stares of those who didn’t know him.

Yuuri’s tail and the pattern of scales along his back were… more intricate than most. Most people’s back scales tended to be much simpler, since they were more often visible on the surface. Just what Yuuri needed, really, as a siren that preferred the surface, wasn’t it? Something that stood out, even to other _sirens_.

He moved quickly through the market, picking up some fish for dinner and retreating back to his home soon after. In the small dining area that his family house had (a few slabs of rock to sit on that made him miss chairs a little more), Yuuri pulled the fish from the small satchel at his side and started to eat – no need for utensils or anything, with teeth so sharp he could cleanly bite through the flesh – discarding the bones where he’d remember to take them out and bury them later, for good luck (a superstition he found it better to just follow than question, especially after so long away from home). All bones of their prey were buried – humans included. Some sirens ate the humans they drowned, and others sold their victims at the market, but… Yuuri preferred fish. Especially after spending so much time with humans.

After he finished eating, Yuuri returned to his room, laying back against the smooth surface of his bed and staring at the ceiling of his home, letting the soothing lull of the algae help him drift to sleep. Tomorrow, he’d swim closer to the surface, and start trying to pick a human to Call and drag down, but right now… the very idea of the process seemed exhausting.

His eyes fluttered shut as he finally got his thoughts to stop reeling, the water moving comfortingly around him. He was right, he had needed this.

Yuuri was woken by a loud crash at the front of the house, and he shot up. Someone was inside! He knew that the rest of his family was on the surface at the hot spring, so someone had broken into his house. He bared his teeth, trying to flare his gills and auxiliary fins to make himself look more threatening, but he doubted it was enough. If someone wanted to break in, they wouldn’t be afraid of a half-asleep siren.

“Yuuri!” Minako burst into the room, her eyes wide and hair loose behind her, flowing out in waves that she didn’t often let free. Seeing it was just Minako, Yuuri relaxed, letting himself fall back against his bed. She was probably just going to ask him why he hadn’t started his training again. And then she spoke, and he stared in confusion. “Viktor Nikiforov came to the hot springs, and the rest of the world is freaking out, because he just disappeared from Russia without a word to them, and then suddenly he showed up in Japan, and came to the hot springs, and your parents are trying to entertain him, but he brought his dog and a shit ton of luggage, so it looks like he’s here to stay, and apparently he’s here for _you_.”

Yuuri sat frozen, staring at his dance teacher and the woman who had convinced him to do so much on the shore. He blamed Minako for none of his shortcomings, but this was… “He’s here… for me?” he repeated, the only thing he’d managed to pick out from her ramble, and Minako threw her hands up.

“Yuuri, you _have_ to go to the shore! Viktor Nikiforov, your human _idol_ , just came to your family home, right after you posted a video of you skating his routine –”

“After I what!?” Yuuri screeched, staring at her with wide eyes, his hands flailing for purchase on his seat “Minako, I didn’t record any video, I only skated the routine for Yuuko, as a goodbye, because I knew that I wouldn’t be back for a while since I was coming here, so if someone posted –”

He cut off as Minako voiced what they were both thinking. “The triplets.” Yuuri nodded miserably, covering his face with his hands. “Look, Yuuri, either way, you’re not about to blow off _Viktor Nikiforov_ , are you?” Minako asked with a knowing look. Yuuri tried to be angry about the assumption in her gaze, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t at all.

Something in him balked at the idea of leaving Viktor alone on the surface, and Yuuri let out a soft whine, shaking his head. He still hadn’t Called anyone, and he was still too soft for humans. He’d given up his sport, he was going to do well as a siren, and finally accept who he was. Instead, he fell right back into the ignorant trap of humanity.

But he had to learn better, because he wasn’t _really_ accepted at home. Not yet, not until he completed a Call.

Viktor didn't know that; Viktor couldn't know that. So why the hell was Viktor at his family hot springs?

Yuuri didn’t know the answer, but he had a way to find out, so he dragged himself out of bed. “I assume you brought clothes and towels for me?” he asked, gesturing to his tail. Minako rolled her eyes.

“Follow me,” she demanded.

They burst to the surface at a familiar spot, isolated far from the main shore. It was a safe place to take his time regaining human bearings, and making sure that he looked acceptably like a human out for a swim, not a siren living in the sea.

The scales on his back still itched beneath his shirt as he raced to the hot springs, bursting through the doors leading to where his mother indicated Viktor was. Yuuri stepped out and stared, because – because –

Viktor was entirely naked. Which made sense, because he was in the water, in the baths, but Yuuri’s instincts were screaming at him to get in with Viktor, to show him his tail, to hold him under. Yuuri licked his lips at the thought of his first Call being on such a strong human as Viktor Nikiforov, before blinking away his thoughts in panic. _No._ No, Viktor was here for _him_ , and Yuuri had to know why. “Viktor,” he finally said hesitantly, and his idol broke out of whatever thoughts he was having as he laid in the bath. “Why… why are you here?”

“Yuuri!” Viktor was… excited to see him? Yuuri stared at him, breath caught in his throat as he rose from the water (and Yuuri kept his eyes carefully away from any… very… human… parts of him), extending a hand toward him. “I’m here to be your coach! And make you win the Grand Prix Final.”

Yuuri was pretty sure that he fainted after that. Someone caught him. Someone warm and wet and –

…

Someone like Viktor.


	2. part ii

So. Viktor Nikiforov was going to train Yuuri. But there was a catch, of _course_ there was a catch. Apparently, Viktor couldn’t just let him skate. Yuuri had to be back at his weight for the last season, or he wasn’t stepping onto the ice. Which meant far more off-ice training than Yuuri ever wanted to have to go through again, because in the time since the past season had ended, Yuuri had gained quite a bit of weight. But Viktor’s rules were Viktor’s rules, and judging by the diet that Yuuri was put on, Viktor’s rules weren’t going to be played with.

Was it cheating to use means that most people didn’t have to get himself back to a competition-ready weight? He knew that he should probably sleep as soon as he got back from his workout every day, but instead Yuuri waited until he was sure that Viktor was distracted with something else before saying he was going to Minako’s studio. And he did, for about an hour. But first, he went home.

He’d drop his bag off at Minako’s and then dive into the water, running through all sorts of exercises and rehearsing dances that he’d done since he was young. After an hour or two of that, he’d go back to Minako’s studio and practice with her, focusing less on losing weight and more on maintaining his flexibility and skill as a human. If he could, he’d do all of his training in the water, but swimming only helped build his stamina and let him burn away weight.

It wasn’t what he told Viktor he was doing, of course, but he was still working on getting ready for the season. Plus, being able to work on this at home calmed him down so much more, because it meant that he didn’t have the constant desire to go back.

The ache in his legs was a different story. It seemed that every time he went too far from Viktor, his body wanted to drag him back to the sea. Unless he was working with Viktor or doing something in the water, he had to actively hide how much pain he was in. Viktor would see, and question it, and tell him to take it easy – which was the last thing he needed.

This was repeated day after day, week after week, until finally he stepped on the scale one morning and was back to the weight that he’d been at last year when he was at the peak of his performance. Excitedly, he threw on his jogging clothes and pulled his skate bag over his shoulder, grinning to himself. He met up with Viktor every day at the rink, but today, he’d  _ finally _ skate again.

Yuuri was used to the crowd of reporters in front of Ice Castle at this point. He pushed through them like always, keeping his head down as he went to the door. The more persistent ones continued to try to talk to him, but he’d long since figured out how to ignore them without seeming  _ completely _ rude, so he was able to get through to Yuuko without much interruption. Although, it seemed like there were more than usual today. Word that Viktor was in Hasetsu must be spreading faster than Yuuri thought. “I’m finally going to be on the ice today,” he whispered to Yuuko as he made his way into the rink, pausing when he heard the noise pick up. And then… oh.

Yuri Plisetsky stepped out of the crowd, glaring at Yuuri. “I don’t know what he sees in you, but you’re gonna convince him to stop this.” He spoke without breaking his stride, instead seizing the back of Yuuri’s shirt and pulling him along. Yuuri stumbled over his own feet as he tried to right himself. “He’s wasting his time training an idiot like you when he should be in Russia!”

“I… um…” What the hell was he supposed to say to this fifteen year old screaming at him, when he hadn’t even really started working with Viktor yet? It did sort of seem like Viktor was wasting his time, but he couldn’t very well tell Yuri that he somewhat agreed with him, could he? Yuri already looked like he wanted his head on a stake, and Yuuri would really rather not aggravate him.

“Whatever. I’ll just go in and get him to come back. Clearly you’re not living up to his dreams, or whatever, if you haven’t even skated yet,” Yuri scoffed. Yuuri clenched his fists. So he’d heard him talking to Yuuko earlier. Great. That was… great.

Something inside Yuuri stirred, though, and he exhaled through his nose, not making eye contact with Yuri as he said pointedly, “How long has he been here? He would have left by now if he just wanted me on the ice.” Yuuri breathed in sharply at his own words and slapped his hands over his mouth. 

Yuri took advantage of Yuuri’s panic and shoved him against the wall, growling, “You’re nothing to him. You’ll see. He’ll come back to Russia with me, and it will be like you never existed.”

Later, Yuuri sort of wished that were the case, because instead Viktor decided that he and Yuri were going to compete to see who got Viktor to coach them, which… sounded horrible. Yuuri zoned out for most of dinner, his panic rising up. Maybe it was for the best, though? That Viktor was leaving? Then Yuuri could go back home and do what he wanted (needed) to, anyway.

Except… part of him wanted Viktor to stay. Something in him was screaming that it was wrong to let Viktor leave – that he had to do all he could to make him stay. He sighed in frustration, knowing he should help his sister, but…

Instead he ran to the rink, pulling on his skates to practice figures. Usually, when he got anxious like this, he’d go home, but the idea of Viktor leaving unless he could skate well enough to beat Yuri? It led Yuuri straight to the ice, unable to focus on anything but his own movements, slow and steady. Calming himself down until he could breathe again.

It worked right up until Viktor revealed the programs. He had two in mind, with similar themes but very different in execution – Eros and Agape. Sexual love and innocent love.

Yuuri let out a sigh of relief when Yuri Plisetsky started clamoring to perform Eros, because he felt like he understood Agape better, anyway. It was a familiar concept, something that he knew he could easily express in his skating. But then – 

“That might be what you think you want, but if you really want to win, you have to surprise the audience!” Viktor paused dramatically, smirked, and pointed first at Yuri –“You’ll be doing Agape!” – and  _ then _ at Yuuri. “And  _ you’ll _ be doing Eros.”

He couldn’t help the bubble of anxious laughter that escaped his mouth, and was just glad that Yuri’s screeching covered it.  _ Eros.  _ Sexual love. It was like Viktor knew that Yuuri was a failure of a skater  _ and _ a siren, and was rubbing that in with this program. He had to  _ seduce _ the audience. How could he possibly do that when he couldn’t even seduce people out of literal instinct?

Most sirens needed that seduction to live. They’d drag the men (or women – the superstition about them sailing had faded, and so it was less and less common for a siren to target only men) into the sea with their song or dance. Draw them in with a literal spell of seduction. Drown them. And then any variety of things could happen. Eat the human, drain their spirit, kill them just for the sport, for the recognition of being a powerful siren…

Yuuri hadn’t seen any reason for any of that, which probably wasn’t such a bad thing, considering the fact that despite all his training in ballet and skating, he’d never even managed to get past seduction. 

And now  _ Viktor Nikiforov, _ the human who made him want to stay human the most, had basically asked Yuuri to seduce him, to seduce the  _ whole world _ . 

By ice skating. 

Yuuri’s hands quivered. He stepped off the ice to let Viktor show them their programs, trying to block out Viktor and Yuri’s arguing, but it was loud, and he was forced to look up when Viktor turned to him.

“And Yuuri? What do you want, if you win?” His voice was kind, and it was almost too much, but Yuuri forced himself to meet Viktor’s eyes.

His answer was pathetic, but… “I want to eat pork cutlet bowls with you.” A comfort food, and one he only got for victories. “And keep eating them, and keep winning.” He took a breath. “I… I’ll give it all the Eros I’ve got. I hope I can impress you.”

Viktor smiled, and Yuuri let out the breath that he was holding, smiling back at him.

But there were still the actual programs to take care of, and Yuuri watched Viktor with wide eyes as he demonstrated the choreography. Even not at full difficulty, it was beyond anything that Yuuri had ever attempted. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to do it, but… He had to, right? He had to do this if he wanted to keep Viktor in Hasetsu.

Viktor looked at him as he finished, and Yuuri stammered through answers to his questions before realizing that Viktor had been pulling him progressively closer, setting a hand underneath his chin. Yuuri’s eyes widened, his heart pounding as he met Viktor’s gaze. “No one in the whole world knows your true eros, Yuuri,” Viktor murmured, tilting his chin up toward him. Yuuri breathed out, instinctively leaning closer. Why was Viktor so willing to be so close to him? “I’d like to be the one to find out what it is.”

Viktor helped Yuri with his skating first, giving Yuuri time to think about Eros. He knew what the idea of it was, he could feel his instincts playing out in the story of the program.

A siren places a Call on a human, luring them to the water. Only, the human thinks that they are seducing the siren as well, so it continues in a dangerous game of back and forth, allowing the siren to play with their prey. A siren like this would have to be a powerful one to lead the human on in such a way, to… revel in their Call. 

After their seductive dance and deceit, the siren pulls the human in for the final act – drowning. Tugging the human under the water in a graceful dance that Yuuri had only seen from afar, at every moment baiting the human, reeling them in to follow their every whim, any struggle cut off by the siren’s seductive Call. The program ends with the siren discarding the human, letting them fall to the bottom of the sea while the siren draws in their energy.

The problem was, Yuuri felt like the human in this dance. It felt like he was the one who failed in the seduction, and that final movement was him wrapping his arms around himself as he fell, forgotten, to the sea floor.

He couldn’t explain any of this to Viktor, and so couldn’t explain why he wasn’t able to get the program to work, why he got more and more upset by step sequences and jumps. Instead, he focused on trying to find a human equivalent to what he was feeling.

He blamed his strict diet and weak human body for what he said.

“Katsudon!” he exclaimed in the middle of dinner, a few nights later. “That’s what I… desire… more than anything else. And it makes me… want to… do things I shouldn’t?”

At least he hadn’t said ‘Viktor’, which was what he’d nearly blurted out the first time Viktor had asked.

As long as he ignored Viktor’s (hopefully teasing) instructions on how to imagine his favorite food as something sexy, Yuuri was fine just thinking of the program like he was performing a Call. The problem was, he’d never Called anyone, and he didn’t know how to land some of the jumps, so all this was doing was dredging up anxiety from both aspects of his life. Which was… great.

The competition was approaching far too soon, and Yuuri looked up in horrified shock when Viktor declared that they’d need costumes. He started to scramble, trying to find a way to pull something together on such short notice, but Viktor waved him off, saying that he’d brought some old ones that they could borrow. Yuuri dug through the boxes a little, but he already had one in mind – the black costume he’d first seen Viktor skate in. There were shiny crystals scattered across the fabric, which had been designed to evoke images of rope, of being tied down. It was inspired by control, by the power that came from seduction. It was perfect, and he could only ever visualize skating Eros in  _ that _ costume.

The costume was only half of his problem, though, and the other half had Yuuri lying wide awake, staring at the ceiling. If he failed tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter what costume he’d picked. Viktor would go back to Russia, and Yuuri would go kill someone. That was the alternative ending for this event.

He wanted to emulate the siren in his story, he wanted to be the one who seduced. Yuuri gazed in the direction of his chosen costume, his eyes catching on the half-skirt that Viktor had put in the design to help suggest a feminine side to his skating as well…

Yuuri shot up from his bed.

_ Minako _ .

He threw on clothes more fit for dance, grabbing his glasses as he left the room and ran the short distance between the hot springs and Minako’s studio. He was out of breath by the time he banged on her door. Minako answered with a scowl that eased once she saw who it was. “Yuuri? You should be sleeping, you’ve got your competition tomorrow.”

“I need you to teach me how to move like I’m seducing someone. Like a Call, but on land. How do you… seduce a human? If you’re pretending to be human?” Yuuri stumbled through his words, begging that Minako would understand what he meant. He needed this to happen, if he had any chance of keeping Viktor in Hasetsu.

Minako ushered him inside. “Explain.”

Yuuri took a deep breath. “Viktor assigned me a program which he said is about sexual love, and I keep thinking, it’s like a Call, right? Pleasure upon pleasure, it could be dangerous? But I’ve never Called anyone, in the water or as a human, so… I don’t know what that would look like. I just want subtle changes, so I look less like I’m falling apart and more like…” Yuuri shrugged miserably. “I want Viktor to not take his eyes off me, ever.”

Minako smiled at him. “Alright. We can only do a little tonight, but let’s at least get you started on this, and then once we’re sure Viktor’s staying, I’ll help you more until you have exactly what you want, alright?” she suggested. He nodded in relief, following her into her studio.

They danced for only a few hours, Minako demanding that he go back to the hot springs and get some rest. Yuuri fell asleep the instant his head met his pillow, feeling at least a little more prepared.

The next day, he hardly paid any attention, merely went through the motions: pulling his costume on, letting reporters talk to him and Yuri, hoping what he was saying made sense, trying not to lose his mind.

He stayed behind the curtain as Yuri skated. An imperfect program, but so much better than anything the teen had managed in practice. Viktor started cheering for Yuri, and Yuuri clapped for only a few seconds before his anxiety started to get the better of him. Yuri… he’d improve from there, and he was still young. Viktor could easily pick him. And then Viktor would leave, and Yuuri would disappear from the human world – something he’d started dreading much more in the weeks since Viktor had arrived.

He felt Viktor grab onto his arm. “I… Please watch me,” he said, wrapping his arms around Viktor, his body shaking. “I’m going to… uh…” To what? To seduce him? To make him want to follow Yuuri to the ocean where he’d drown himself for Yuuri’s sanity? 

No. 

“I’m gonna be a super tasty pork cutlet bowl,” he muttered, flushing slightly in humiliation.

“I love pork cutlet bowls,” Viktor whispered into his ear, and Yuuri  _ had _ to be imagining the undertone in Viktor’s voice. He let go of Yuuri, and Yuuri went out onto the ice, breathing as calmly as he could.

This was his chance. If this didn’t go well, he wasn’t coming back. Viktor would leave, and Yuuri would go home and pretend like this had never happened. Like he didn’t feel somehow… different, now that Viktor was in Hasetsu. He took a breath, thinking about what Minako had said.

To begin the Call, you had to show the human your intent.

He got into his beginning pose, winking at Viktor. That’s what this was now. Not a Call, he would never Call Viktor (plus, the Call needed a verbal cue, so he couldn’t even  _ accidentally _ Call Viktor through this), but something to mimic how it would go. This would be how Yuuri seduced Viktor the human way – with just a little taste of home.

He went through the moves fluidly, thinking of Viktor the whole time, feeling almost like he was floating. For a successful Call, you had to have the human’s eyes on you. You had to make them believe that you were the only person they would ever want. They had to be mesmerized. Yuuri landed his first jump, keeping his expression steady, making sure that he didn’t panic and mess up any of the things he already knew.

This might be the first time in his life that he’d ever been at peace with his instincts. He knew that he wasn’t actually Calling anyone, but he finally felt comfortable in the role of the enchanter, of being someone that had any hope of keeping Viktor’s attention. He touched down on the ice, biting his lip in frustration, but trying not to show it.

He had to give an entrancing show, he had to make sure that even with mistakes, Viktor couldn’t take his eyes off him. Yuuri fell into his final pose easily, curling forward and wrapping his arms around himself. A final goodbye to the human he would be letting go of, before he set his sights on a new target. A siren with no remorse.

Breathing heavily, he looked up to see Viktor with his arms and his heart-shaped mouth open wide. Yuuri stared in shock, skating over to him, only to be enveloped in a hug. “Yuuri! That was the tastiest pork cutlet bowl I’ve ever seen!” Why were Viktor’s cheeks so red? Was he really that cold? “But that Salchow –” Viktor launched into a detailed critique, but Yuuri barely heard him, too busy obsessing over the implications of what he’d just done.

Had he not seduced Viktor well enough? Even with the comfortable feeling of appeased instinct flowing through him, what if Yuri had still skated better than he had? It was fine. He’d do better next time. If there was a next time… where was Yuri, anyway?

“Yurio?” he asked, unable to manage a full sentence with the rest of the thoughts flying through his head. 

Viktor frowned uncertainly. “He left, partway through your program. I was going to choose you, I knew that even before you finished, but… I don’t know where he went.”

“I… oh.” Yuuri glanced into the crowd, trying to spot the other skater, but Yuri was nowhere to be seen. “You… you’re choosing me?” Maybe he had seduced Viktor – at least enough to convince him to stay.

“I am. Yurio has promise, but I can’t… He hasn’t shown me what he can be yet. Another season, and he’d have been a much stronger rival here. You, though,” Viktor breathed, staring at him, seeming to struggle to find the words. “You managed to surprise me, Yuuri. I want to stay with you for the season, see what you can do. I think you’ll do amazing things. I’m very drawn to your skating.”

Yuuri flushed red, Viktor’s words putting a small smile on his face.  _ Viktor Nikiforov _ was complimenting his skating, was going to coach him this season. Now he just had to try his hardest not to be a total fuck up. He had to do well this season, he had to prove himself to both of them. He needed to prove to himself that all of the time he’d spent pretending to be a human wasn’t in vain – that humanity was something he could return to. For Viktor? He had to prove that he wasn’t making the wrong choice, throwing his career away for nothing.

“Ready to accept your award?” Viktor murmured. Yuuri looked out and saw they’d set up a small podium on the ice. He frowned, regretting that Yuri had fled, but there was nothing they could do about it. He stepped out onto the ice with Viktor, waving to the people in the stands and accepting the flowers with a smile. His heart was pounding as he stood on the podium, Viktor beside him, so close that they were almost touching.

“Yuuri Katsuki! A word?” A reporter was standing in front of him, offering him a microphone, and Yuuri swallowed, trying to think. Viktor’s arm wrapped around him, tugging Yuuri into his side.

Yuuri leaned forward as he began to speak. “I’m going to try to win,” he said, though that was probably a given. “Thank you for supporting me.” He relaxed against Viktor as they took the microphone away, closing his eyes and breathing out.

That was only his short program, though. As for his free, Viktor declared that Yuuri had to take control of it – pick his own music, design his own costume… He had to figure out what to do.

This season was going to be his last. He had said that last year, but this time he meant it. Viktor was not going to stay for more than one season, anyway. This would be the end. And so he wanted his free program to… 

He wanted it to mean something. 

He was lying in bed, flipping through all of the music on his computer, when he happened across a composition a girl from Detroit had done for him several years ago. It was a poor-quality song, but he still liked the concept. He’d been talking to her about how he wanted it to show the comfort of home. While of course he couldn’t explain exactly what he meant, he’d spoken about the gentle waves of sound, the comfort that washed over him. That’s what he had wanted. It hadn’t turned out great, but… maybe he could ask her to rewrite it. 

He drafted a quick email, mentioning that he still had the original sketch, and that he promised he’d use it this time (still feeling awkward for discarding the music the first time he’d worked with it). Then he tried to describe what he wanted. The simple piano line was good, but… it needed something more. He wanted something for the second half that would embody the changes he’d gone through. In skating, it would represent Viktor’s decision to coach him. In his life, it would symbolize the comfort of home.

This song had to mean everything at once, and he needed it to work out for this season since it hadn’t before.

He got an immediate response, in which she wrote that she was excited to work with him again and would send him a new sketch soon. He was relieved to go back to practicing just the short program with Viktor. Viktor knew that the song was in the works, so he didn’t push Yuuri to do more with it for now. They’d figure it out when the music came in.

Until then, they kept training, day after day. That wasn’t the strange part, though. The strange part was the fact that Viktor kept trying to join Yuuri after practice – he wanted to sleep in the same bed, he wanted to eat every meal together. Every moment (waking or not), Viktor wanted to spend with Yuuri. 

Yuuri was happy to eat with Viktor and to show him around Hasetsu, but he left Viktor alone at night. Instead he snuck out of bed to go swimming, to hide in the comfort of the home that he’d grown up in. As long as he got to the rink on time, Viktor didn’t mind that they didn’t get there together. Being in the water, even just to sleep, soothed at least a little of the ache in his legs. He did notice, though, that every time Viktor touched him, the pain seemed to fade for a little while.

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked one day after dinner, as they were cleaning up. “Do you want to go on a walk? I’d like to take Makkachin down to the beach and we’d love company.” Something in Viktor’s tone made it clear that this wasn’t really a request, although it wasn’t a coach’s order, either. More… Viktor, trying to talk to Yuuri.

“That’s fine,” Yuuri answered, which was how he found himself and Viktor sitting in the sand with Makkachin beside them. Yuuri stared out over the water, aching to go in (to bring Viktor with him, some deep part of him suggested. To Call Viktor, to drown him. Yuuri shook those thoughts away – he’d never do that. Not to Viktor). 

Viktor was quiet for a few moments, running his hands through Makkachin’s fur. “You know, I like the beach here. It reminds me of home.” He laughed, looking over to Yuuri. Yuuri turned to meet his eyes, and Viktor continued, “Up until a few months ago, I never had any desire to leave St. Petersburg. At least, not until long after I retired. And even then, surely I wouldn’t leave Russia. Not for a country whose language I can’t even speak.” He paused, turning back out to the water. “Hearing the seagulls’ cries… it made me remember things I didn’t notice before. An… out-of-body experience, almost. You know what I mean?”

Viktor was trying to get Yuuri to talk about why he was avoiding him, Yuuri could tell. He frowned, picking at a loose string on his pants. He couldn’t mention the out-of-body experiences he had when his instincts tried to convince him to do something, so he had to pick something else. He had to relate to Viktor, to give him  _ something _ . “I… One time a friend of mine got into an accident, in Detroit, a rink mate. A girl who’d been trying to talk to me tried to hug me, comfort me, I guess, and I just shoved her away. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I just … I didn’t want anyone to know I was upset, to worry about me.”

As a siren and as a human, his biggest fear was people trying to understand his emotions, but not because they couldn’t possibly understand him. He just wanted them to… stop trying to force emotions he didn’t have onto him. “Why?” Viktor asked kindly, glancing at him.

Yuuri squinted at a spot on the horizon. “I don’t like people saying they understand me when they don’t. I… I need people to treat me like everyone else, and let me do things my own way. I don’t like people thinking I’m weak or… or less than them, in some way,” he muttered.

“Yuuri,” Viktor said after a moment, meeting his eyes squarely. “You’re not weak.” Yuuri made to interrupt him, but he continued, “And no one who cares about you thinks so. Nor do the people who watch you skate. You continuously blow everyone away. It’s extraordinary. I don’t know why you have so little faith in yourself.”

Yuuri knew why. It was because he didn’t even know who he was. As a siren, he couldn’t even do something instinctual. As a human, he picked one thing that he wanted to be good at, and still messed up because his emotions got the better of him. Emotions that he shouldn’t have. The only reason he kept trying was because of the people in his life. “Then I guess it’s good there are people that care about me. Family, and friends, and… you?”

Viktor seemed exasperated by the hesitation in Yuuri’s voice. And, well, that was understandable. Viktor had agreed to coach Yuuri. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t care at least a little. “What do you want me to be to you, Yuuri?” Viktor asked. Yuuri tilted his head to the side in a silent question. “You have so many people in your life, family, friends… what am I? A father figure?” Yuuri crinkled his nose. “Then a brother? A friend?” 

Yuuri didn’t need a brother when he already had Mari, but… a friend. Did Viktor want to be his friend? He didn’t know why he’d want to, he was here to coach Yuuri. He’d leave at the end of the season. He seemed… 

Apparently Yuuri’s hesitation was too long, because Viktor leaned in closer to say, “A boyfriend, then. I can do that!”

Yuuri yelped in surprise. “Viktor, no! I just… I want you to be who you are.” Yuuri wished he had something better to say, because it felt like he was asking so much from Viktor – to be who he was. To just… stay as Viktor, to give Yuuri the best Viktor that he knew. Yuuri regretted that he couldn’t reciprocate, couldn’t give Viktor any of himself, because he had so many conflicting parts of his life that were secrets from everyone else. “I… I always looked up to you. I was worried about you seeing me as a failure, so please… please just be yourself for me.”

Viktor was the reason that Yuuri had started skating, had pretended to be human for so long. At this point in his life, Yuuri didn’t know who he was, didn’t know what he was, but… He needed Viktor to know how much he mattered to Yuuri.

Viktor looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. “Okay.” And then, while Yuuri was trying to figure out how this had happened, Viktor added, “This is how I’ll show my love.”

“Your love?” Yuuri whispered, standing up and staring at Viktor, who took his hand, pulling him closer.

“That’s what I want, Yuuri. I want you to show the world what you love. You love skating, right? Eros is only one form of love, one apparently unnatural to you. Show me in your free skate everything that you love.  _ Surprise _ me.” 

Yuuri didn’t know what he had expected, but that wasn’t it. What he loved…

It was a short list, really. What he loved most in the human world was… well. Skating. Viktor-the-idol, and now Viktor-the-coach. His dog, Viktor’s dog. His friends, like Phichit and Yuuko and Nishigori. His family and Minako, but they were more a part of his life as a siren. And yet…

Who said that couldn’t be included in his love? Who said his love couldn’t include the flow of water, the feeling of his skin fading into scales every time he assumed his natural form? Who said love wasn’t the way he felt when he danced beneath the surface, the things that he’d tried to show Viktor in his Eros routine?

What was his love?

A few days after their talk, he received the email with the track for his free skate. It was late, and he’d been about to head out, but he immediately abandoned his plans in favor of listening to the music. 

Yuuri sighed contentedly as the song ended for the third time. It was perfect. It was soft, and it was smooth, and it said what he needed it to. It showed there was more in his life that he still needed the world to see. This was the song that he’d go out on.

Yuuri rushed into Viktor’s room, apologizing profusely when he stepped on Makkachin’s tail under the blanket. He thrust his earbuds toward Viktor almost before he was fully awake. “The music is here!” He pressed play, curling his legs underneath his body as he waited.

“Yuuri,” Viktor whispered. “This is what you want?” Yuuri nodded, and Viktor smiled widely. “It’s perfect. We’ll work on your program tomorrow. Start thinking of what you want for your costume. You said you wanted this program to represent your career, right? Your life to this point? We’ll sketch out a design once we have the beginning of the choreography.”

Yuuri already knew what his costume would be, though. Really, once he’d thought about what he wanted this program to mean for him, how he needed it to encompass his whole career, his whole life, everything that he had chosen, and everything he was going through? There was only one possible design. “I… I have an idea already.” Yuuri reached over to Viktor’s bedside table to turn one of the lamps on, opened his notebook to a blank page, and picked up a pencil.

He couldn’t tell Viktor what the costume meant to him, but he wanted full control of it. Viktor didn’t fight that; he seemed excited simply because of how passionate Yuuri was. 

The costume would be based on himself. His tail: purple and blue whorls interlocking all over his body, gleaming when wet and in the sun or glimmering under the glow of their colony’s lights. The pattern of scales up his back, a sparkling design that drew attention even from other sirens. That was what he wanted to show in his costume, even though he couldn't say it out loud.

He wanted something that showed who he was to the world – something that Minako would recognize as Yuuri setting himself free. He bit his lip as he sketched what he wanted to start with, shoving it into Viktor's hands. "That would be the back. I can describe the colors, too."

If Eros was the skate that contained everything he struggled with as a siren, his free program would show what he loved. The beauty, the comfort of home – but also skating.

“Tell me more,” Viktor said, clearly interested, and Yuuri smiled at him, adding more detail before turning the page toward him.

“The patterns on the back,” Yuuri said, motioning to the paper as he spoke. “They’re red, and teal, and purple, and blue, and a bit of silver and gold. Maybe crystals or something.” He scrawled down the colors where they belonged. It was an easy thing to think of, since it was part of him. “Blue or purple for the base, something dark, but with patches of sequins maybe? Something with a lot of shimmer. I want… I want to shine,” Yuuri said, clutching the pencil tight in his hand. Viktor smiled.

“I think this would look very good on you.” He took the paper, tucking it away. “I’ll talk to some of my designers tomorrow and see what they can do about it. I think this will work well. I didn’t know you had a passion for costume design, Yuuri.”

Yuuri blushed. “I don’t, usually. I guess I was just inspired.” He reached down to hug Viktor, not caring that his laptop shut between their bodies. “Thank you.”

“Yuuri,” Viktor said the next day at practice, as they worked on choreographing his routine. “You need to come up with your theme for the season. We’re not quite done with the choreography, but you have a general idea what it is, so you should be able to –”

Yuuri cut into Viktor’s ramblings. “I know what it is.” Viktor had already chosen it, Yuuri didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed. That day on the beach… “My theme is ‘on my love’. I want the world to  _ see _ it this year, Viktor.”

“That’s perfect, Yuuri,” Viktor whispered, smiling at him.

Assignments were announced soon after that, and Yuuri started to get more worried for the upcoming tournament. Viktor could leave at any moment, and the idea of him walking away had Yuuri lying in bed almost crying with how much his legs burnt with the desire to be home. Only with Viktor, only on the ice was he comfortable. This season had to go perfectly, because he could tell this was his last chance. He couldn’t keep going on like this. He had to show Viktor, and the world, what all of this had meant to him. No one could forget him after this season. Viktor hadn’t come here in vain.

“And the name of your free skate song?” Viktor asked after practice, holding a marker and the cd with the music on it.

Yuuri took the pen from him. This was it, the culmination of everything that he had done as a skater, wrapped up in one program. Of course he’d already thought of a name. He wrote quickly, tilting the disc so Viktor could see.

‘Yuuri on Ice’, he’d written, because that’s what this program had to be. It had to be the very epitome of who he was as a skater – aside from all of his mistakes, that is. This program needed to show him at his best – his love for the ice mixed with his love for the sea – to say everything that he couldn’t explain in words. It had to be him, all of him, on the ice. Bare and real – putting himself out there for all to see.

He hoped Viktor would understand what he was saying, at least a little. He hoped Viktor could see his love.


	3. part iii

Now that Yuuri had his programs, they began to train more vigorously for the Grand Prix Final. He couldn’t really worry about the Grand Prix series yet, though, because first he had to get through his qualifier. He had failed so badly at Nationals last year that he couldn’t even be sure of his spot in the series until he’d beaten… basically a bunch of high schoolers. He was twenty-three, he’d been at the top of the world, and yet here he was, terrified to compete against people at a _regional_ competition. At least that gave him an excuse not to talk to most of the other skaters – no one here really knew him, unless they’d watched him skate.

And why would anyone want to watch him skate? Especially after last year. Even if there were people who might once have considered themselves fans –

“I’m so excited to compete with you again!” a skater with yellow and red hair exclaimed, seeming to vibrate as he pulled his hands away from his face. Yuuri squinted, trying to decide if he was going crazy or if the skater was familiar. “I got to see you draw your spot in person _again_ , Yuuri! This is so cool!” the skater squealed, and Yuuri stared.

“Kenjirou? I – sorry – Minami? Uh –” The last time Yuuri had seen him (other than at Nationals, where Yuuri had basically avoided anyone who tried to talk to him), his hair had been completely blond, and they’d been… at home.

Kenjirou Minami jumped up and down in excitement. “Oh, I have to go draw my spot! Can we talk later?” Yuuri nodded numbly, watching him go. Maybe he’d get lucky and ‘later’ would become ‘never’.

Not long after, Viktor pulled him aside for interviews, babbling about how Yuuri would do so well here, and they were taking it easy for the Grand Prix, and Yuuri nodded along until Viktor mentioned something about a _personal best_. He flushed. “You do know that the last competition I was in, I did so poorly that people thought I was hurt, right?” Yuuri hissed at him, grabbing Viktor’s arm and tugging him away from the reporters.

During practice, Yuuri did his best to ignore the other skaters, but he could feel Minami’s eyes on him the whole time. Yuuri sighed. Apparently he wouldn’t be able to avoid this conversation after all.

“Yuuri,” Minami whispered, tugging him off to the side as they finished practice. “I heard you went back home a few months ago! Are you going to Call somebody? That would be so cool, if you did, and then you came back, and you still skated so well, because I don’t know if anyone’s done that before but I bet you could –”

“ _You’ve_ Called someone,” Yuuri muttered as he exited the rink and accepted his skate guards from Viktor, glad that Viktor couldn’t understand Japanese and no one else was around to overhear them. Just what he needed, a younger skater and fellow siren trying to idolize him. Yuuri wasn’t worth looking up to, especially not by a siren who’d already had a successful Call. “And you saw me skate at Nationals.” Saw him crash and burn, more like.

“Yeah, and you looked so bad, I was really worried about you, but –”

“Minami!” Thank god, his coach was calling him away. Yuuri said a quick goodbye and followed Viktor to the locker room to change. When he came out, he walked over to where he’d left Viktor, but no one was there. He looked around, confused… where had Viktor gone?!

“Do I look good?”

Yuuri spun on his heels to see Viktor in an elegant three-piece suit. He gasped quietly. “You…” How did Viktor keep impressing him more than Yuuri could impress Viktor?

Viktor grinned. “Great! Let’s get you to the rink, it’s time.”

Yuuri refrained from practicing jumps during warm-ups, just skated several laps and ran through his step sequence a few times, trying to keep his mind blank. He should have known better than to hope for that. His mind was racing with all that could possibly go wrong, with the fact that this could be his last chance. Even if he felt better, even if Viktor was here… he could still screw up, and not even make the Grand Prix. Or lose in his first event. Either way, there was a strong chance of Viktor leaving him not long after this.

He had to prove to Viktor that would be the wrong choice.

As warm-ups ended, he skated to the boards to get a drink before his short program, his heart racing. Viktor scrutinized him for a moment. “Yuuri, turn around.” Yuuri stared, a question on his tongue, but Viktor glared at him. “Please just turn around!”

Yuuri nodded slowly, obeying the orders of his coach despite his confusion. “Like this?”

He jolted in surprise, mouth falling open as Viktor’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed. Yuuri barely registered the flashing of the cameras, somehow finding himself relaxing into the touch. What was Viktor doing?

“Seduce me with all you have,” Viktor whispered into his ear. “If you can charm me, you can charm the whole universe.” His voice sent shivers down Yuuri’s spine, though he tried to hide it, and he fought to keep his breathing steady as he skated to the center of the ice.

He just had to think about Viktor. Thinking about Calling Viktor was so easy for him, he was almost surprised. Replace the faceless human with Viktor? It was what he’d been doing since the beginning, wasn’t it? Except now, Viktor had basically given him permission. In a way, Viktor had asked Yuuri to Call him. (Not that he understood that he had, and he definitely had no idea what Yuuri could do with only a few words, but…)

He smirked to himself, going through the steps easily, but as the program continued, his _jumps_ … He got more frustrated the worse they went, and it rankled that he still couldn’t land them properly. Viktor would be watching out for that – for improvement, and for Yuuri not becoming the distracted mess he’d been at the Grand Prix Final and Nationals the year before. He sighed, ignoring the cheers from the audience as he skated across to Viktor, who, looking extremely unimpressed, began to lay into Yuuri for focusing so much on himself and essentially sabotaging his own performance. Yuuri kept his eyes on the ground, trying not to be too affected by Viktor’s criticism.

It had been easier during the first half of the program, when he’d just thought about Viktor. If he could just… ignore the details of what he was actually doing? It would be so smooth. He glanced up as his score was announced, smiling slightly in surprise. Wow. He’d… scored very highly. Because he’d been thinking about Viktor.

Could he do the same thing for his free skate?

“You should lower the difficulty of your free skate. You messed up too many jumps here, but you can take it easy tomorrow, since you’ll score beyond them anyway,” Viktor said cheerily as he led Yuuri to the interviewers. Yuuri spent the next ten minutes half-heartedly answering their questions, too focused on not freaking out.

That was when Minami arrived. “Yuuri! Did you see my program?” he called, still bouncing from the high of performing.

Yuuri turned. “I… sorry, I was talking to the interviewers.”

Minami gasped in dismay. “But I designed my costume and program to be just like yours! Lohengrin was one of my favorite routines, Yuuri, and I want to be just like you!” he declared. Yuuri’s cheeks lit up. Minami was better than him – or at least, he would be. And yet here he was, wearing an imitation of a costume from a time Yuuri wished he could forget, talking about how great the program had been, trying to _emulate_ Yuuri.

“Why?” Yuuri groaned, covering his face.

“You know why!” Minami retorted, obviously taken aback by Yuuri’s reaction. Yuuri could hear the unspoken demand for a private discussion in Minami’s assertion that he would try to beat him the next day…

Yuuri’s eyebrow twitched. _Great._

Minami finally confronted him as they were leaving the rink, Viktor distracted by a group of fans begging for his autograph. “Yuuri! Can we talk?” Minami shouted over the crowds, grabbing onto his arm.

Yuuri sighed, but nodded, letting Minami lead him off to whatever secluded place he had found. “You shouldn’t look up to me, Kenjirou. You know I’ve never completed a Call, and I’m barely even a figure skater. You’ve already surpassed me as a siren, and as a skater… If you train hard enough, you’re going to be better than me there, too.”

Minami stared at him like he’d gone insane. “Yuuri! Even if you haven’t Called someone, you have plenty of time! So many of us didn’t Call anyone until we were your age! Plus, you’re an amazing skater! Yuuri, last year, at the Grand Prix, you were _so cool!_ ” Minami cut off whatever he was going to say next, glancing at the doorway.

Yuuri followed his gaze, not even having noticed the door opening. Viktor was standing there with a frown on his face. Yuuri straightened, nodding curtly to Minami. “Just… I don’t know why you look up to me so much. I’m nothing special.” Yuuri walked over to Viktor, who greeted Minami briskly before turning to him.

“Am I interrupting? You can finish your conversation,” Viktor offered, but Yuuri shook his head and let Viktor lead him back to their hotel room.

Viktor, thankfully, did not try to talk to Yuuri about whatever made him look so upset that night, just let him go straight to sleep. The next morning, Yuuri continued to avoid everyone. At the rink, while he was lacing up his skates, he overheard Minami chatting with the other skaters. Yuuri sighed in exasperation when he realized that Minami was talking him up again. He ignored it, ignored all of the other skaters watching. This wasn’t about Minami, or anyone else. This program, what he’d perform today, it was about himself – as a skater and as a siren.

Viktor spoke up as he stepped off of the ice. “Yuuri?” Yuuri hummed in acknowledgement. “How can you motivate yourself if you can’t motivate the people who look up to you? That skater, Minami, he really admires you as a competitor and as an inspiration, and yet you keep blowing him off. I’m disappointed in you.”

He walked away.

Yuuri stared after him, his heart pounding. How could Viktor say that? He didn’t know the half of what was going on between Yuuri and Minami. And to make matters worse, now his own motivation was crushed. Because his coach (the skater that he’d looked up to the most) was looking down upon him for something he didn’t even – _couldn’t_ – understand.

He eyed Minami, who had just taken to the ice. Minami, who was so much stronger a siren than Yuuri was, and would probably surpass him on the ice someday too. He hadn’t quite caught up to Yuuri as a skater, but he could get there with a little more practice.

Yuuri sighed. Minami reminded him a little of himself, especially with how apprehensive he was looking right now. Not unlike how Yuuri himself had felt last year.

Yuuri frowned, stepping away from the rink. Minami probably wouldn’t want Yuuri to see him skate a poor program. For all that Viktor’s lack of recognition at the GPF had burned, how much worse would it have been if he’d known his idol was watching him fail? It was better for Yuuri to leave.

And yet… He swiveled around and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Good luck, Kenjirou!” he shouted.

For some reason, Minami thought of Yuuri how Yuuri thought of Viktor. Even though Minami knew everything about him that wasn’t right, that was less than it should be, even though Yuuri was an absolute failure of a siren, he still looked up to Yuuri that much. The least Yuuri could do was cheer him on.

That was what Viktor wanted, wasn’t it? For Yuuri to push aside whatever he thought of himself, and look to the other skaters?

So Yuuri would give Minami the tiny bit of encouragement he wanted. At least that way, when he left, sirens wouldn’t be completely gone from this sport. And for all Yuuri knew, any number of skaters might be like him. It wasn’t like he had any sort of legacy to be upheld, but it was still… nice, knowing they might be out there because of him.

He put in his earbuds, finding a quiet spot to begin his stretching routine. One by one the other skaters took to the ice, but Yuuri hardly noticed. This program he was about to skate, it needed to portray all of him: Yuuri Katsuki, the skater _and_ the siren. He had to engage the audience, he had to show everyone who he was and what he could do. Viktor hadn’t come here in vain.

He strode back to the rink as it came time for his turn, removing his jacket and stretching out his shoulders. Minami gaped at his costume, and Yuuri smirked to himself, knowing that the other siren knew exactly what it was.

“Yuuri, you look beautiful,” Viktor whispered. “You were right. This costume is perfect. It looks amazing on you.” Viktor stretched out a finger. “Here, your lips are chapped.” Yuuri could hear Minami making all sorts of noises in the background, but he had to focus. This was the debut of his free program, and with Minako here, and now Minami, someone might understand it for what it truly was.

The jumps frustrated him again, and he tried not to think about them, but he couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help the fact that the more he stumbled, the more it felt like he was failing Viktor. He was failing everyone. Minami, Minako, Viktor – he wasn’t showing any of them what he could be.

He clenched his teeth, trying to shake off his most recent fall. He had to make this perfect, he had to finish the program out strong. He breathed out, feeling more exhausted than usual, after all that he had gone through. He couldn’t let this faze him. Yuuri launched into his last jump and bashed his face against the barrier.

He couldn’t stop. Yuuri got back up, finishing his spin and hitting the final pose, his heart racing. Everything hurt, but he had done it. Yuuri let his arms fall. Viktor was staring at him, and only him, and holding open his arms for a hug, so Yuuri rushed over.

Viktor grabbed his arm to stop him at the last moment. “Watch the blood!” But he still hugged Yuuri tightly for a second, before darting away to solve the problem of the bloody nose that Yuuri hadn’t even noticed he had.

Minami sidled up to him just then, before anyone else could approach. “Yuuri,” he whispered almost reverently, tapping a hand against his shoulder. “Are you… Do you want to Call Viktor?” he asked, his voice so low that Yuuri barely heard it.

Yuuri’s breath caught. “Why do you ask that?”

“Well, you’re wearing…” He gestured. “I mean, you’re wearing your _tail_ as a costume, and your one program is about seduction, which has to be about Calling, right? And this one is clearly about Viktor. The way he looks at you, I’d almost think that you’d Called him already!”

Yuuri blinked. “I can’t Call him,” he said, shaking his head as if that would chase any other thoughts away. “I can’t, and you know it. I’ll Call someone else, after the season ends.” He spotted Viktor weaving his way back towards them. “This is just… me proving to Viktor that I can do this, that I can win. It’s not … I’m not trying to bring him home.”

“Congratulations either way,” Minami said. “You totally beat me. And it was _awesome_. I can’t wait to see the rest of the season!” he shouted, wrapping his arms around Yuuri before disappearing into the crowd to find his own coach.

Viktor stepped forward, offering Yuuri a tissue to plug into his nose and stop the bleeding. “Good job, Yuuri.” He smiled. It was clear that was all Viktor was going to say to him, but Yuuri beamed back nonetheless.

Yuuri stood shakily and walked to the podium, holding his certificate proudly, even as irrelevant as it was in the long run. He’d succeeded. He had proven himself, at least a little, as a skater. Viktor seemed pleased that he had talked to Minami. Overall… he was doing well.

They trained for the next few days, until Yuuri had to leave to declare his theme for the season. At the press conference, he stood on the stage with the rest of the skaters, tugging nervously on his tie as he prepared to give his speech. He’d chosen love, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to explain himself. He didn’t really… know what love was. Even now, as he skated for that very concept, he had no idea how to describe that feeling.

“Skater Katsuki, can you give us your theme for the season?” Morooka asked, gesturing toward Yuuri, and Yuuri felt his heart beating out of his chest as he tried to think of what to say.

“My theme is… uh… Love.” He turned over his card, looking down at it and clenching his fists at his sides. “I’ve always had love in my life, and it’s the only reason I’ve made it this far, I think. My friends, my family, they’re all people that have supported my life with unending love, but… um… This is the first year I’ve thought of it differently. Thought of… showing my love through my skating.”

It wasn’t just his love of skating. It was his love for both of the worlds that he belonged to. Mostly, his love of the surface, of skating. Of Viktor. It was that love that had gotten him this far, let him glide gracefully across the ice, given him a chance to show himself as a competitor beyond what he had imagined was possible.

But there was also his love of the sea. His desire to embrace his identity as a siren – though at times that was questionable. The pain held him back, the instincts and pressures left him in a state of constant self-deprecation and anxiety. But he still loved it, even if he’d never Called anyone. Even if he’d ignored his instincts for so long, and they were starting to drive him crazy. Every time he thought of the water, he thought of Viktor now too, and he wondered if that was normal. Was that his body, begging him to Call someone?

Why specifically Viktor, though? Maybe it was the close proximity, or the fact that Viktor was almost inviting it. Viktor wanted to be around Yuuri all the time, which Yuuri could hardly comprehend. How did the Call even work? He knew that there was a vocal component, and then the rest depended on physical closeness, but how did that happen? How did his body determine how close to be? Could it tell when he wanted to Call _someone_ , or was it just trying to Call _anyone_?

But then… he thought about what Minami had said, about how it already looked like he’d Called Viktor, and his breathing stuttered as his mind ground to a halt. He… He’d Called Viktor, hadn’t he? It made sense. It made so much sense. His head was spinning. He had to finish his speech, but he couldn’t remember how to form words.

“Viktor,” he gasped out. He scrambled for an explanation that didn’t entail him blurting out that he was a monster who killed people for a livelihood, and he’d drawn Viktor into that. “Viktor is, uh, someone who I’ve found that I love, as a coach and as a friend. He’s the first person I’ve ever wanted to hold on to. I don’t… I don’t entirely know what to call that, but I would say that it’s love. Viktor makes me stronger with it, and I hope to use that strength to win gold.”

He had _Called_ Viktor Nikiforov. That explained it, didn’t it? Why Viktor had come to Japan for him, why he’d wanted Yuuri to come to bed with him… It explained so many things, and Yuuri felt like he might faint from the implications. He could barely stay standing, his body begging for him to drag himself – to drag them both – into the water. To handle this the siren way, rather than the human way.

He knew he couldn’t. He had to act human, he had to be strong.

He had to _not_ kill Viktor Nikiforov.

How was he supposed to get through the season now?

In Hasetsu, after the press conference, Viktor seemed exactly the same as he had been before, but Yuuri knew better now. Should he give in to Viktor’s touches? Would leaning into them lead him on, make things worse? Yuuri found that he couldn’t deny himself, which was how he ended up with Viktor Nikiforov asleep on his shoulder on the plane to Beijing.

The plane ride was smooth, and practice went well, but Yuuri’s interview continued to haunt him. After such great promises, could he actually live up to them? If he screwed up now, the world would be laughing at him and his promises of love and gold. Like Yakov, scoffing at Viktor and his attempts to ‘play coach’, refusing to join them when Viktor invited him to dinner.

Viktor tried to hide his disappointment, but Yuuri could tell he was hurt. Viktor didn’t deserve that from anyone, especially not because of Yuuri.

Yuuri did what he could to distract him: asking Viktor about Beijing, letting him babble on about all the other cities he’d competed in, accompanying Viktor to the restaurant and as he sang some silly song about seafood. They had just begun to eat when Yuuri heard his name called from across the way.

“Phichit!” he said excitedly, waving his friend over. “It’s good to see you! Phichit, this is Viktor. Viktor, Phichit was my roommate in Detroit.”

Viktor immediately scooted over to make room for Phichit, who grinned. “Can I invite Ciao-Ciao?”

And that was how Yuuri ended up at dinner with his best friend, former coach, and current coach. He spent most of dinner catching up with Phichit, but then Viktor and Celestino started drinking, and before Yuuri had any idea what was happening, Viktor’s shirt was off and he was pressing himself up against Yuuri.

“Viktor, you should put your shirt back on,” Yuuri whispered, but Viktor ignored him, continuing his animated conversation with an equally drunk Celestino. Yuuri groaned, covering his face as Viktor pulled his pants off as well, right as two younger skaters showed up at the restaurant. “Pull it together, Viktor,” he muttered, but it was far too late.

“Yuuri, let’s go back to our room!” Viktor shouted, too loudly, and Yuuri felt his ears light up with a blush. “Let’s go to the hot springs!”

Yuuri watched Viktor’s underwear soar across the room and land on one of the poor younger skater’s heads. This was not going well. This was going the exact opposite of well, and Yuuri grimaced when he noticed that Phichit was taking pictures of everything that was happening. “We can’t go to the hot springs, but I can bring you back to the room, Viktor,” he whispered.

Viktor looked up excitedly, and Yuuri snagged the rest of his clothes from Guang-hong and Leo, somehow managing to get him dressed and back in their room. “You should sleep.” He pushed Viktor in the direction of his bed, and Viktor went stumbling toward it, grinning up at Yuuri.

“Sleep _with_ me, Yuuri!” he shouted, even as he collapsed back onto the bed, pulling the blankets over himself. Clearly, he meant it literally, that he just wanted Yuuri to sleep in the same bed as him, but… Yuuri shook his head.

It was something that he wouldn’t even have noticed before he knew that he’d Called Viktor, but now that he’d realized it? It was all he could think about. Viktor wanted him, it was clear. Viktor had wanted him since he came to Hasetsu, and now Yuuri was stuck wondering what he was supposed to do about that. How was he supposed to not kill Viktor when Viktor was throwing himself at Yuuri any time he could?

Yuuri couldn’t deny that he liked Viktor. Not just as his coach, but… Viktor was attractive, and Viktor was nice, and the fact that Viktor wanted him, even if it was because of the Call, was flattering. Something different than Yuuri was used to. If he wanted to complete this Call, it would take hardly any effort on his part, because Viktor was just so… so willing, and trusting, and Yuuri didn’t know how he could handle it when he wanted Viktor too.

He rolled onto his side, facing away from Viktor, because he didn’t know if he could look him in the eyes. Not when he knew that he was on the path to kill him, not when he knew that his desire had somehow subconsciously gotten the better of him and tricked him into luring Viktor to his doom. If he just… ignored Viktor for the night, maybe his mind would be clear.

He was wrong.

Too soon, it was time for the competition. Yuuri’s dread only increased when he saw that Phichit had _posted_ the pictures from the night before. Could they tell? Minako, and Mari, and Minami, and anyone else who might see them? Did they know that he had Called Viktor, that he was in the process of luring his coach to his death?

Yuuri groaned as he went through his warm-ups, trying to calm down. He couldn’t let this program be stolen from him because he was worried that the people he cared about might know what he’d done. Technically, Calling someone was a good thing, even if Yuuri hadn’t meant to Call Viktor. When had he even done it? It must have been while they were talking, or when he was mouthing his program under his breath as he worked through it. How was he such a terrible siren that he’d _accidentally_ Called someone?

Before Yuuri really even had time to focus his thoughts, he was taking to the ice for his turn. He stood nervously at the boards, ready to just get this over with. “Yuuri?” Viktor leaned over the barrier and placed his hand over Yuuri’s, meeting his eyes squarely. “I think the time of you imagining pork cutlet bowls to seduce me is over.”

Yuuri froze, staring at him, because… what the hell did that mean? Why did Viktor think that _this_ was the perfect moment to tell Yuuri that? Of course, Viktor didn’t know about the inner turmoil Yuuri was experiencing over the thought of seducing Viktor, but that still didn’t mean this made any more sense. He was almost too nervous to ask. “What… what do you mean?”

“You can seduce me with your own personal charm now, Yuuri. You can envision that, can’t you?”

Viktor wasn’t helping. The problem wasn’t that Yuuri couldn’t imagine seducing Viktor with this program, it was that his “natural” form of seduction would end up with Viktor’s bones buried somewhere in the ocean.

Nevertheless, he leaned closer, touching their foreheads together. “Don’t take your eyes off of me.” It wasn’t all that he wanted to say, but it was all that he could. Viktor wanted Yuuri to seduce him? Making sure he was watching was a good start.

It was the worst time for this kind of pep talk. He’d Called Viktor, and now he had to prove what that meant, since Viktor, for some reason, had decided that _today_ was the perfect day to challenge Yuuri like this. He skated to the middle of the rink and settled into his starting position, winking at Viktor as the first note played.

If Viktor wanted Eros to be about Yuuri using “his own natural charm”, Yuuri would oblige. He’d already Called him. How much harder could this be?

This was him seducing Viktor in front of the entire world, laying a claim. He wanted the world to know that Viktor was his –

 _No_. That wasn’t what he wanted, he _couldn’t_ have that. He couldn’t let people know what he’d done, what he was doing.

What he wanted… what he wanted was for Viktor to not look away. As bad as that hot pot dinner was last night, it had showed him one thing – his Call was working. He’d Called Viktor, and Viktor was responding. This might be the longest seduction in siren history, he might not even know when the Call had happened, but it was too late to think about any of that.

All he knew was that he wanted Viktor to be seduced – if he was already instinctually driven toward Yuuri, then Yuuri wanted him to never take his eyes away. Yuuri should be the only person Viktor ever even so much as thought about.

He was the only person in the world who knew Viktor’s love, and he was planning on keeping it that way.

He came out of his last spin, ensuring that when he hit the final pose, he would be facing Viktor. It was good, he knew it was. Even with his typical anxious obsessing over every detail of his program, he found little to criticize. Viktor immediately wrapped him in his arms as he stepped off of the ice. “Yuuri, that was perfect!” he laughed, holding him close.

He’d… seduced Viktor. They walked to the kiss and cry, Viktor chatting excitedly while Yuuri just tried not to blank out.

“Didn’t that feel great?” Viktor asked, sitting beside him and enfolding him in another hug. Yuuri suppressed a shudder. Viktor’s touches were _too much_.

“I just hope… other people… felt good watching it?” Yuuri stumbled over his words, trying not to say anything embarrassing about Viktor specifically. That was hard, considering he’d wanted this to be for Viktor alone. He wanted Viktor to have been seduced, he wanted him to want no one other than Yuuri, he wanted the _world_ to know that.

“I don’t know how they couldn’t have!” Viktor gasped when Yuuri’s score put him in first place, cheering loudly and wrapping him in a tight hug that Yuuri desperately wanted to get out of.

Knowing that he’d Called Viktor made every touch from his coach burn searingly hot. Viktor whispering in his ear, wrapping his arms around Yuuri… Every little movement felt like it was setting him on fire. They went to the skater’s area to watch the rest of the short programs, but Yuuri could hardly focus with Viktor’s arms constantly around him.

For the first time since the press conference, it was truly sinking in. Yuuri had Called Viktor Nikiforov. This wasn’t Viktor drunk, hanging off of him with no inhibitions. This was just… _Viktor._ This was how he behaved when under Yuuri’s Call.

The panic set in when he thought about that, because no matter how eager Viktor appeared, this wasn’t voluntary. Viktor had come here to be his coach, and Yuuri had managed to accidentally turn his deadly instincts against him. He clenched his fists in frustration. It at least explained all of the pain he’d been feeling. No wonder he’d felt so awful when Viktor wasn’t around – he’d Called him, and hadn’t followed through yet.

“Yuuri.” Viktor’s whisper pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts, and he looked up, glancing at Chris’s score, his eyes growing wide. That meant – “Yuuri, you’re in first!” Viktor hugged him tighter, and Yuuri felt like he was going to pass out.

Apparently, he’d made progress on his goal of seducing the world, then, if he’d managed to get this program right. Now he just had to… keep doing it. And not freak out.

Not freaking out was the harder part. They went back to the hotel room to relax for the night, but Yuuri couldn’t stop thinking. Everything could go wrong now – he could accidentally complete his Call with Viktor, or he could lose and Viktor would go back to Russia. Everything would be over. Yuuri would be in all of the pain of an incomplete Call again, with no other choice than to go home. As much as he’d wanted to return home before this season started… he had Viktor now.

And then there were the figure skating ramifications of it – he’d never been in first before. People would be watching him, they’d be waiting to see what Yuuri Katsuki did next. They’d put even more pressure on Viktor as his coach. Viktor would be seen as a failure if Yuuri couldn’t win now.

 _Why was Viktor lying on him!?_ He had finally calmed down enough to try to sleep, far past the time he really should have, and now Viktor was _on top of him_. How was he supposed to rest now? Yuuri groaned, closing his eyes tightly.

It was _fine_. He’d be fine. Who needed sleep anyway?

Back at the rink, Yuuri felt his nervousness grow as score after score was announced. Everyone else was skating so _well_ , and Viktor wasn’t here by his side. He growled under his breath, trying to think, trying to make sense of his thoughts, but everything was swimming around, and he was going to be sick. He was going to throw up on the ice, and then of course no one would want to see him win, and Viktor would leave –

Unless he drowned Viktor. He could always just give in to his instincts and take Viktor home, and –

“Yuuri, let’s go somewhere quieter.” Viktor was grabbing his arm, shaking him out of dangerous thoughts, and Yuuri let out a sigh of relief at the movement, letting himself be led downstairs, away from the noise. Viktor kept him calm, kept him safe.

He just had to not listen to anything but him.

Viktor’s hands over his ears felt like they were burning, and Yuuri trembled from the overstimulation of both his anxiety and the Call rushing between them. Could Viktor feel it? He’d never thought to ask what humans felt when they were Called. Did they feel the urge to go to the sea as strongly as the siren felt the urge to drag them there? To always be touching? Or did the human just feel the physical seduction – the desire for sex? There had to be something else, right? Viktor had been pushing to stay with Yuuri all this time, but his only indication of wanting sex had been at the hot pot restaurant.

Even though the placement of Viktor’s hands was just meant to block out sound, Yuuri leaned into the feeling, trying to let even the smallest acceptance of the Call ground him. Was it supposed to be like this? That every slight touch between them set the Call in Yuuri on fire?

He breathed out, looking up at Viktor. They had to go back upstairs soon. “Viktor, we should… probably go back up. It’s almost time for me to skate,” Yuuri murmured, hating the fall of Viktor’s hands as he stepped past him and started up the stairs. Viktor didn’t follow.

“Yuuri.” Yuuri turned around, looking at Viktor in confusion. “If you mess this up, I’ll take the blame and retire as your coach,” Viktor said calmly, picking at his glove like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Yuuri stared at him, his heart stopping.

“I…” _Physical pain_ shot through Yuuri, his legs giving underneath him as he hit the ground, not even registering the tears in his eyes. Viktor was going to leave – he’d known that all along, but Viktor was going to _leave him_. He couldn’t even think with the pain shooting through his legs. It felt like they were going to rebel, like he was never going to be able to stand again. He had to _skate_ soon, but his body was reacting to Viktor’s rejection like there was nothing else in the world. He whined softly, glad that Viktor didn’t seem to hear it. “Why would you say something like that!?”

“Sorry, Yuuri, I –” Viktor was stammering as he came closer, and as much as he wanted to draw his body into Viktor’s, wanted to go to him, hold him close, drag him down, Yuuri tried to scoot back. Viktor knelt in front of him, setting a hand on his shoulder, and even that wasn’t soothing. “I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean it –”

“I already know I’m a failure!” Yuuri snapped. “And the rest of the world is going to be watching me, looking for something to blame you for too, some reason that you shouldn’t have come to me, and now you’re… you’re saying that you’ll let them!”

“I didn’t know –”

“I know!” Yuuri didn’t want Viktor’s apologies, but he also didn’t _know_ what he wanted. His body wanted him to drag Viktor close and give in; his mind just wanted to skate and get it over with.

“I’m not good with people who are crying. Should I just kiss you?”

 _Yes_. Yuuri’s body lit up in _want_ , curling toward Viktor, but he held himself back. Now was not the time for instincts – a kiss wasn’t going to make him feel better about this situation. He didn’t want a _kiss_ , he wanted…

“Just have more faith in me than I do! Just… stay with me, Viktor!” Yuuri cried, trying to pull himself together, but it was only making the tears worse. Viktor wrapped his arms around him, and Yuuri gave in, letting his body have what it wanted. He went limp against Viktor, sobbing into his shoulder as Viktor tried to soothe him.

Clearly, Viktor didn’t have much experience with people or emotions, because he wasn’t doing anything that Yuuri needed, and while that was doing nothing to help his anxiety, at least it was alleviating the pain and the worry that Viktor didn’t want him. His tears slowed, then stopped. Viktor still wanted him, he just didn’t know how to deal with people. That was fine. Yuuri didn’t either.

He held onto Viktor for a few more moments, before slowly standing up and stepping back. “We… I still have to go skate.” Viktor leaned in to brush the last of Yuuri’s tears away, keeping a little more distance between them this time.

“You can do it, Yuuri,” Viktor whispered, squeezing his arm as he led him to the rink. “You’ve worked so hard on this program – show the world. Show them everything that you are. Show them your love. That’s what this is, right?” Viktor still seemed unsure what to do, but Yuuri smiled faintly at how hard he was trying, patting his head softly to show he was… sort of forgiven.

Yuuri just… had to show Viktor that he deserved him. If Viktor was already Called, then why was this so hard? It should be simple. Yuuri went out onto the ice, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. A deep breath in, and he began.

If Viktor was Called, then this program… was for Viktor. Yuuri as a human and Yuuri as a siren – both had to prove to Viktor that he hadn’t wasted his time by coming here.

Yuuri clenched his teeth as the end of the program approached. He knew what to do – what he had to do. He slammed his toepick into the ice, launching himself up and landing cleanly. He couldn’t ignore the screams from the crowd, the uproar causing him to stumble into his next movement. His entire mind was focused on trying to process what he’d just done.

A _quad flip_.

Something that only Viktor had ever landed in competition before. A sign to prove that Viktor didn’t have to leave, he didn’t have to abandon Yuuri. Yuuri wasn’t going home, at the very least not without Viktor. When his program ended, Yuuri was standing with one hand over his pounding heart and the other outstretched towards Viktor. Viktor was staring back at him, an unreadable expression on his face, and Yuuri figured he was in trouble.

He sighed, but then he saw Viktor’s arms open, and Yuuri skated faster and faster and –

Yuuri fell back against the ice, Viktor’s lips on his own. He gasped out, wrapping his arms around Viktor’s neck and licking into his mouth, his instincts and all of his built-up attraction, even just as a human, flowing into the kiss. “Yuuri, you did a quad flip,” Viktor breathed. Somewhere in the very back of Yuuri’s mind, he knew that they should get off of the ice, but he didn’t care.

He kissed Viktor again, blurting out, “I did. I did it for you.” His cheeks lit up bright red as he let out a nervous laugh, burying his face against Viktor’s shoulder before they finally stood up, a little shaky on their feet.

“Let’s go, Yuuri,” Viktor whispered. Yuuri felt like his entire body was on fire, but in a whole new way than over the past few days. It wasn’t the pain of being apart, it wasn’t the fear of Viktor leaving him, it wasn’t his terror of Calling Viktor and not realizing it.

It was… _happiness_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SLAM THAT ICE PICK INTO THE ICE, YUURI. SLAM IT.


	4. part iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mer-may! a time for finally finishing editing your mermaid au. i'm so sorry this took so long. let it be a cautionary tale - don't attempt to write and edit like 20k in a span of approximately 2 weeks while also trying to finish another fic. you'll get burnt out and not even want to look at it for like 5 months.
> 
> but! i'm back and just need to run through the remaining 2 chapters so! this fic will be Complete by the end of next week. 5'll be going up prob tomorrow or friday, and 6 hopefully only a day or two after that. 6 needs slightly more than a shallow check, 5 just needs a run through. 5 and 6 are where i go "hey what if i took canon and MADE IT LONGER" and added like 5 unnecessary scenes and then obv changed some endings bc,,, siren au.
> 
> i'm sorry this took so long jslkdafsa;; here it is!

Yuuri was nearly _burning_ from their touch. He wanted to kiss Viktor again, to ask him what it had meant, but he couldn’t do anything except cling to Viktor’s arm as they walked to the kiss and cry, immersed in the screams and cheers from his program. He could hear the announcers now, going crazy about his quad flip, but all he could focus on was Viktor, and the arm that was wrapped around his waist. He closed his eyes, leaning into his coach. This was… unbelievable.

The scores barely even mattered in the face of everything Yuuri could feel between them as they sat there together. The Call, which he didn’t even know if Viktor knew was there, buzzing between them and holding him close to Viktor, drawing him near. Their kiss, the tension that Yuuri hadn’t even realized existed until it vanished when Viktor’s lips met his…

But…

What if the kiss was because of the Call?

That would mean… Viktor wasn’t attracted to him at all.

At least, not willingly. Everything that had happened since Viktor had come to Japan could have been because of the fact that Yuuri had Called him, and the kiss might be part of that too. He couldn’t voice that fear aloud, though, so he was left having an internal crisis while they walked back to the hotel.

Once there, Viktor perched on the bed across from Yuuri. For a few minutes, he was entirely silent, and Yuuri was fine with that. But then Viktor spoke, “What are you thinking?”

 _I’m a siren and I put my murder-seduction-Call on you so now you’re in love with me and have no control over your life and I can’t stop you and I don’t know how to fix this?_ Yuuri couldn’t say that, though, so he focused on the most human thought that was in his head at that moment – one that needed an answer just as much as the siren related ones did. “You kissed me.”

“I did,” Viktor said simply, as if he was just confirming a fact. Yuuri glared down at his lap, trying to phrase his next question without sounding rude. Why would Viktor kiss him? What had changed that made him decide that now was the time? If he’d Called him a while ago, then why was this suddenly when Viktor decided to kiss him? “I was… Your skating was like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and I’ve been attracted to you for a while, Yuuri. I hope I didn’t do something outside of your boundaries.”

Yuuri blinked, staring at him. He hadn’t expected such a logical answer. He figured that Viktor had just been overcome with the Call, and so tackled Yuuri into the ice because it was the only way that he found himself able to respond to it. But… that made sense. Could that make so much sense, if he’d truly Called VIktor? Would Viktor still be trying to make explanations? “Oh.” He frowned, looking back up to Viktor. “I… didn’t mind.” He knew he should be saying something more, that he should be telling Viktor they couldn’t do this. It was dangerous to let himself fall into the Call, but all Yuuri could think of was the soft feeling of Viktor’s lips on his own. All Yuuri could think about was how much he wanted that – he wanted Viktor to be his. Call or no Call.

“You didn’t mind?” Viktor repeated incredulously, like Yuuri had said something wrong. “You… Does that mean you’d want to kiss me again?” Viktor asked the question almost breathlessly, his eyes lit up with some emotion that Yuuri couldn’t place. A hopeful part of him wanted to call it excitement. A realistic part of him called it lust.

Lust that came from the fact that Yuuri had set into motion the process of _killing_ him. He had to tell him no, he had to get out of this. If Viktor didn’t kiss him again, maybe they’d both get away unharmed. “You still want to kiss me?” It was a dumb question; of course he did. With the Call, why would that even be in question? All Viktor should want from Yuuri is physical touch. His question had only voiced the fact that maybe _Yuuri_ wanted to kiss Viktor, but he _couldn’t_. He tried to backtrack his words, but it was too late.

“Yuuri, I want anything that you want. I want you to be happy, but if that happiness includes me kissing you, then…” Viktor shrugged, laughing softly. “I don’t mind,” he said teasingly, winking at Yuuri.

That… didn’t sound very much like something that someone consumed by uncontrollable lust would say. That sounded calm, and happy, like someone who wanted a genuine relationship, who cared about something beyond the physical in who they were to each other. Yuuri stared at him for a few seconds, trying to convince himself to do anything but what he was thinking. Kissing Viktor wouldn’t fix their problems. Kissing Viktor would make things worse.

Would one short kiss really hurt?

Yuuri basically threw himself at Viktor, winding his arms around his neck and kissing him deeply again. Between the instinctual pull of the Call and the very human, very emotional call of Viktor’s kind words, Yuuri couldn’t help himself. He pressed Viktor into the bed, kissing him again and again, gasping out each time that Viktor kissed him back.

‘One short kiss’. _Goddammit_ , Yuuri was supposed to be controlling Viktor, but he could barely control himself. He just wanted _more_ , but it was dangerous. It was such a bad idea to press Viktor down again and take kiss after kiss. It was such a bad idea to tangle a hand into Viktor’s hair. It was such a bad idea to let Viktor trail kisses down Yuuri’s neck.

It went on for so long, _too_ long, and Yuuri finally pulled away from Viktor, licking his lips and just looking at him. Viktor spoke first, “Yuuri, I –”

“We can’t do that again,” Yuuri cut in, curling his body into himself. He regretted it, no matter how good it had felt and how much it had soothed in himself. He _had_ to regret it. He had to find a way to get this to _stop_ , before he hurt Viktor. But he couldn’t tell Viktor just to leave, not now. Viktor cared _too much_ , something beyond the Call. Viktor wasn’t going to leave Yuuri in the middle of the season.

He had to think of another excuse, and fast, because Viktor would kiss him again. Or Viktor would demand answers. And Yuuri wanted VIktor’s kisses and didn’t have answers. He swallowed, breathing a few times before adding, “At least not until the end of the season. That way we’re… we’re not distracted. By this. We can finish the season, and then figure _this_ out.” Yuuri gestured between them, an empty space that felt like it was physically hurting him.

“That…” Viktor looked contemplative, one finger pressing into his lip just slightly, like he was trying to still feel Yuuri’s lips on his. Yuuri understood, and he bit his lips to keep from freaking out more about what they’d just done. “Okay,” he finally agreed, although his frown didn’t fade. “And at the end of the season?”

At the end of the season, Viktor would be returning to Russia, and Yuuri would be returning to the ocean. They were both going home. It wasn’t really any different than what he’d said the first time, but Viktor might perceive it to be softer, kinder. Yuuri just desperately did not want this to hurt Viktor.

 _God_ , he was an awful siren. He was literally in the middle of something that would _finally_ prove himself as a competent siren. He could be leading Viktor to his doom, yet his main concern was not hurting Viktor’s _feelings_ . Yuuri groaned in frustration, covering his face with his hands, just trying to keep himself from crying. This was all so _stupid_. Why did he have to go and fall for a human?

“At the end of the season,” Yuuri pulled himself out of his thoughts to finish his conversation, unable to make eye contact with Viktor. “We’ll talk, and we’ll figure out what to do. I just... Not at the height of competition.” It was a weak excuse, but Viktor accepted it for what it was. Yuuri breathed out, turning away from him to fall asleep.

Luckily, Viktor seemed to understand that Yuuri needed his space, and left him alone to think while they continued to train for his next event. He didn’t stop the casual touching, but he also didn’t push for anything more, which simultaneously ruined Yuuri and convinced him that he wasn’t going to hurt Viktor. The less physical contact they had with each other the better, but… Yuuri still wanted it. The whole reason he wanted to stop was because he liked Viktor enough to not want to hurt him. And Yuuri was a selfish person, in that way. He wanted Viktor’s touch, and didn’t stop him, even though he knew that he should.

Why couldn’t there be a happy ending? Where was the solution where he didn’t kill Viktor, but he didn’t have to leave himself in constant pain from being apart from him and neglecting the Call? It had never been this bad before he had realized that he had Called Viktor, but now it was all he could think about. His legs shook when he was too far from Viktor or the sea, he was unfocused, tired. Now that he was aware of the Call, it was all he could think of.

Time seemed to drag on in this same routine until they were on their way to Russia for the Rostelecom Cup. Yuuri just tried to focus on the competition, and not everything around them. Since he didn’t know them as well, he spent less time around his competitors, but it didn’t matter, because he could still hear the whispers. He was in Russia, Viktor’s home territory, and the fans couldn’t be happy about some random Japanese skater stealing their hero away.

Yuuri couldn’t help but worry about their every word. He kept his eyes on the ground as he walked at Viktor’s side, wishing that he could reach out for the gentle touch that had been between them until China. Why was everything so confusing? He bit his lip in order to try to distract himself from the pain of his legs, staring ahead of himself. He just had to get through this competition, and the Finals (if he made it), and he’d be done.

He winced at the thoughts, almost feeling the physical reaction of them in his legs when he considered the idea of just… quitting. Of leaving the sport, and ending his Call on Viktor, no matter how either turned out. What would he have left if he lost Viktor and he lost skating? He’d probably never manage a successful Call, he’d lose the human he’d come to love, and he’d have no excuse to be up here so much.

But Viktor would be safe. And, somehow, that was what mattered most to him.

“Are you okay?” Viktor’s voice brought him back to the present, where other skaters were finishing up, bringing it closer and closer to Yuuri’s turn. He had to drag his attention away from the shine of skates on ice, the bright lights on the metal making him anxiously nauseous, but he was unable to look away. Something about the shine of the skates kept his rapt attention on the ice. He could only nod in response to VIktor, though that was far from the truth. Asking how he felt right now was… not the best idea. So many conflicting thoughts and emotions were controlling his brain, and his legs were only getting worse as the day went on.

“I… I’m going to show all of Russia that you’re mine.” The words sent a new wave of panic over him. He’d been trying to encourage Viktor that he was fine, that he was ready to skate and get into the mindset of his program, but instead he’d said _that_ . He had to stop showing people that he was Viktor’s, he had to stop thinking that Viktor was _his_. That’s specifically what was wrong with this situation. Viktor couldn’t be his. If Viktor was his, that meant that he’d lost. That meant that his Call would work, and Viktor wasn’t going to survive. He couldn’t take it back without looking suspicious, though.

Viktor was staring at him, his eyes wide, but excited, and Yururi couldn’t even smile. He couldn’t bring himself to even _fake_ it. This was bad. “I hope you do,” Viktor whispered breathlessly, watching Yuuri take the ice. He had what he needed for this skate. He _had_ Called someone, so he had to skate this a new way. He was seducing Viktor now, since he’d already begun the process.

This was him showing the fact that Viktor was his and he could easily lure him to a seductive doom. He skated easily, following through all of his step sequences and jumps, keeping his mind only on the Call and on Viktor. Russia had to see what they wouldn’t understand. They didn’t know what Yuuri was saying, not exactly, but they had to have an idea. It had to be obvious, didn’t it? This was Yuuri claiming Viktor for his own, and he needed everyone to acknowledge that.

This was every instinct that Yuuri was fighting against right now, but he couldn’t help it. Viktor was _his_ , even if he let that go. Even if he ended the Call, he’d claimed Viktor, and no one could take that from him. Yuuri Katsuki may be about to disappear from the sport and from the world, hopefully not dragging Viktor down with him, but first he had to show everyone who he was.

He grinned as he landed his last jump, continuing on to his final pose, smirking in Viktor’s direction. Viktor was cheering loudly, and Yuuri stepped over to him, stepping off of the ice. “That was the best form you’ve had on that program so far,” Viktor said as he walked Yuuri to the kiss and cry. “It was incredibly seductive. All of Russia probably wants you for their own now.”

Yuuri’s cheeks darkened at the words. “I don’t need all of Russia to want me. I just…” He shrugged. He couldn’t tell Viktor the real reasoning for his skating today, because he had to let that go. He couldn’t tell VIktor how desperately he needed him to be his in every way. “I needed to prove that I deserved you as my coach.”

“ _Yuuri_ . Of course you don’t need all of Russia to want you.” Viktor corrected, “ _I_ want you – isn’t that enough?” Yuuri choked on his breath. It was true. He wanted Viktor to be _his_ , and for no one to look at either of them again. He hated that Viktor could see that so clearly, that he _knew_ that.

But that was what his Call did. His Call made Viktor his, but not to keep. Not to love, or to take care of. It made him all that Viktor wanted. The Call made Viktor his to destroy, to drag to the bottom of the ocean, to do whatever he wanted to his corpse.

He was watching the last skater when his phone rang. Mari. He looked at his phone in confusion, bringing it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Yuuri! You know I wouldn’t usually call you in the middle of a competition, but it’s an emergency. Makkachin got into some buns that she shouldn’t have, and she choked on one of them. She’s at the vet right now – they say she’s going to be okay, but I needed to tell you and Viktor so you wouldn’t be surprised when –”

“Viktor needs to go home,” Yuuri gasped, going to find his coach.

“Yuuri, think it through. You need a coach for the next day, and Makkachin is going to be fine. You can’t just send him back here –”

“He needs to be there, Mari. If I had had the chance, I would have gone home for Vicchan.” He hung up before Mari could respond, rushing over to Viktor, grabbing onto his arm.

“You have to go back to Japan!” he exclaimed. “Makkachin –” Viktor’s eyes grew wide once he heard that Makkachin had been in trouble, but he frowned.

“I shouldn’t leave you on your own,” he mused, but he still looked worried. “I’ll stay, one day won’t hurt her, especially if Mari said she’s okay.”

“Viktor, you have to go!” Yuuri couldn’t let Viktor stay here, not if Makkachin was hurt.

“Yuuri, I can’t –” Viktor cut off his argument, looking over to the side before rushing to… Yakov. “ _Please_ , Yakov, I have a favor to ask of you. Makkachin is hurt, and in Japan, and I have to go, please be Yuuri’s coach, just for a day?”

Yakov looked at him like he’d gone crazy. “Vitya, I have my own student, and I don’t know enough about his program to coach him, you’re asking –”

“He knows his program, and how to practice. You just need to watch him and make sure that he’s safe. _Please_ , Yakov. I’m not going to jeopardize his career because my dog got into something that she shouldn’t have.” Viktor’s eyes looked like they were shining with tears, and Yakov slowly nodded, agreeing to coach Yuuri for one day.

As soon as the agreement was made, Viktor dragged Yuuri to the hotel room. “I didn’t need him to coach me. Like you said, I know my program and everything, Viktor. It’s not like I’m a new skater who can’t warm up.” Yuuri didn’t add that every part of him disagreed with the idea of having a different coach, even for a day. All he wanted was _Viktor_. He could skate his programs without Yakov. But he was the one that had told Viktor that he had to leave. He couldn’t change his mind so quickly and beg him to stay now. He couldn’t give in like that.

“I know,” Viktor sighed, looking back at Yuuri. “But I would feel bad if you had questions and no one was here to answer them. Yakov may not know you specifically, but he’s trained so many champions that that will hardly matter.”

“Viktor, I still don’t like it,” Yuuri mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the bed, watching him pack. Viktor approached, looking at Yuuri quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Viktor whispered, wrapping his arms around Yuuri, shaking a little as he gathered the rest of his things. “Ask Yakov to help with anything you don’t understand, I swear he’s not nearly as scary as he looks.” He paused for a moment in front of Yuuri, looking at him with watery eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Viktor’s words seemed strangely disconnected until he leaned in toward Yuuri and kissed him, holding him close to himself.

Yuuri felt himself leaning into the kiss, almost against his will, and he looked up at Viktor. “Go take care of Makkachin. I’ll be fine.” His head was swimming from the kiss, so different from the others they’d shared, which had all been just as spur of the moment. Yuuri watched Viktor disappear out the door and once he was out of the room, Yuuri crumpled on the edge of his bed.

Why didn’t he push him away? Why couldn’t he? He knew how this ended for both of them if he let Viktor keep doing this, and he didn’t want that. He wanted Viktor to go back to Russia, and to skating, but…

Everything he did made Yuuri want to beg him to stay in Hasetsu, to be his coach forever. If Yuuri didn’t complete this Call, he doubted he’d be able to go back to the sea, simply because he’d risk Viktor’s life from even the desire to go into the water. The second that his legs touched the water, he was terrified that he’d want to pull Viktor in with him, get lost to instincts.

Did that happen? Most sirens weren’t this attached to humans, especially not sirens that had never completed a Call before. If he let Viktor come back to Hasetsu with him, he was pretty sure that he was going to kill him, and he couldn’t risk that.

Yuuri looked down at his phone a few minutes later, staring at the screen. Viktor’s plane had probably taken off, leaving them exactly opposite of where they should be. He rolled over onto his side in bed, falling asleep easily.

He woke up partially through the night with a stabbing pain in his legs, and Yuuri bit his lip, tears in his eyes. Would he have to learn to live with this if Viktor wasn’t around? Would he have to learn to live with a near constant pain and being unsure when it would go away, if it even would?

He would do that, wouldn’t he? He’d live like this, to keep Viktor safe and happy?

He managed to fall back asleep, and woke up feeling a little better, with a pain more manageable compared to what he was used to. He got dressed quickly, pulling his jacket on over his costume. He let Yakov spend most of his time with Yuri, warming up on his own and trying to calm his nerves.

Just because Viktor wasn’t there didn’t mean that he couldn’t skate. Yuuri took in a deep breath, waiting on the side for his turn, and when he stepped on, he knew that it was going to be a bad day. He pushed through the program nonetheless, focusing on his step sequences. If he could just… focus, he could do this. He could make the Finals.

He could keep Viktor around for a little longer. He had to break the Call and leave eventually, but… he could get just a few more weeks with Viktor if he did well enough today.

He landed the quad flip, though shakier than last time, and stood on the ice with wide eyes. He didn’t care. He didn’t care between land and water, as long as Viktor was safe. He felt tears in his eyes as he finished, knowing his program hadn’t been enough. He was too attached, and Viktor wasn’t really attached at all, not out of his own will. If there was a way to break the Call, Yuuri didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t know if it would still hurt one of them. And, even if he did break the Call, that would eliminate any desire Viktor had to stay with him.

If the choices were be selfish and maybe kill Viktor, or let him go, there wasn’t a choice. Viktor didn’t deserve his, he didn’t want this. He had been dragged into this, and Yuuri had to let that go, but he _couldn’t_. He couldn't bring himself to just leave Viktor to forget about him. Maybe if he gave him something, a thank you, for being his coach? Something to remember Yuuri by, but that wouldn’t hurt him. Not like the Call was, not like Yuuri was.

He could make sure that Viktor remembered him and was still _his_ , even if he had to leave him.

He didn’t medal, but he managed to make his way to the Finals, anyway. Yuuri stood to the side with the other skaters as medals were awarded, only able to focus on the bright lights. He’d really wanted to medal, even without VIktor. So he would have something to bring back to him, and something to prove that he wasn’t wasting his time here with Yuuri.

Yuuri went back to his hotel room, not wanting to think about it any longer. He just wanted to sleep, and to go back to Hasetsu, and to fall back into the routine that they had. He didn’t want this added stress of having to figure out what to do between himself and Viktor.

He got off of the plane, exhausted, dragging his suitcase behind him, just wanting to go back to the hot springs and relax before figuring out the rest of the season. He looked up to watch the crowds of people and make sure that he didn’t run into anyway, his legs burning with the pain of exertion from the competition and his Call on Viktor.

Yuuri tried to ignore it, but then he saw Viktor, Makkachin with him, and he couldn’t help himself. He broke into a sprint, wrapping his arms around Viktor as soon as they were close enough, and melting into his arms. He closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, just letting Viktor hold onto him.

“Congratulations, Yuuri,” Viktor whispered. “I knew that you could do it without me. I’m so proud. I’m so excited! We’re so close to winning gold, Yuuri, you can do it!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arms tight around Yuuri.

“Please be my coach and take care of me until I retire.” That was all that he could ask for. He couldn’t ask for Viktor to be his, he couldn’t want that. Yuuri held his head against Viktor’s shoulder in hopes of hiding his tears, but he knew that it wouldn’t be enough. Viktor would see them, and knowing Viktor, he might question it.

“I hope that you never retire,” Viktor whispered, brushing Yuuri’s tears from his face. Yuuri imagined his eyes, so full of love that Yuuri wouldn’t know what to do with himself, a look that Viktor had given him so many times before. This wasn’t real. This was fake. But this was the only way that he could be this close to Viktor. “This is almost like a marriage proposal,” Viktor added after a second, and Yuuri stared at him.

“H… how?” He was panicking, his thoughts going a mile a minute. He shouldn’t have said anything – it was already assumed that Viktor would coach him until he retired since Yuuri was going to be retiring at the end of the season. How did Viktor get _marriage proposal_ from that?!

“I’ll stay by your side, and keep you safe,” Viktor murmured, and Yuuri squirmed, wanting to get away. This was too much, he was suffocating trying to figure out how to get away from Viktor, how to keep this from defining them. Did the Call do this? Make Viktor such a hopeless romantic? Or was he always like this, and the Call enhanced the physical aspect of it? Either way, Yuuri was _dying_ trying to keep himself from freaking out in Viktor’s arms. Viktor took the squirming as initiative to hold Yuuri closer. “I’ll help you to reach your goals, and we’ll win gold at the Grand Prix Finals. It’s kind of like vows, isn’t it?”

“I… I guess so.” Viktor’s explanation logically made sense, even though it made everything Yuuri was thinking worse. Viktor _was_ right, it did sound like proposing something to each other. Viktor was proposing to be a coach, though, and to support Yuuri. Yuuri’s motive was to drag him into the water and drown him so he could live as a human without the constant pain and desire to go home.

“I hope you win gold, then. Let’s fulfill one of those vows.”

And that was the most important one, wasn’t it? As soon as Yuuri won gold, Viktor could leave. He could go back to Russia and skate another season, maybe two. He could forget all about weird Yuuri Katsuki and the fact that he’d been attracted to him against his own will.

As soon as Yuuri won gold, this would all be over.

Yuuri held on to Viktor a little tighter.


	5. part v

Practice was hard, but he _had to practice._ This was his last chance to make these programs perfect, for himself, for Viktor. He couldn’t come back after this season, so he had to just… win the Grand Prix, and let Viktor go back to skating. He had to… let him go. Viktor would be happier without him anyway.

Could he even go back home? He’d Called Viktor, but he knew at this point he was far too attached to kill him. And the idea of Viktor being genuinely in love with him was… honestly, one of the most hilarious things he’d ever suggested, even to himself. The only way that Yuuri could get rid of this was to separate himself from Viktor, to end the Call. And… well, considering he didn’t know what had happened that made him Call Viktor, he couldn’t break it any way but the hard way. And he didn’t even know if he _could_ break a Call, at all. Distance was his only possible hope.

Viktor’s voice snapped Yuuri out of his thoughts, “Yuuri! We’ve got all of today left, what do you want to do?”

“Take me sightseeing!” Yuuri suggested, the first thing to come to his mind as he slid his skate guards on.

He tucked himself against Viktor’s side on their walk back to their hotel room, and let Viktor wrap an arm around his waist as they shopped, his eyes searching for _something_ , to represent him breaking this Call, to give Viktor in thanks, to remember him.

He should have known better when he was drawn to the shine of the rings, buying them without a second thought, able to see Viktor’s excited buzz throughout his body. He should have known what he was doing. Instead, he reached out to take them from the woman, leading Viktor over to the cathedral, reaching out to take his hand, his own hands shaking.

“I wanted… something for you to remember me by,” Yuuri murmured, pulling the ring from the box, looking up at Viktor. He had no better excuse for why he’d walked into the jewelry store and picked up these rings, of all things. “Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done for me, Viktor. I…” He swallowed, looking down at the ring as it went onto his hand. “I’ve really enjoyed this, and am thankful that you became my coach. So… take this, in my gratitude,” he mumbled, looking back up, to see Viktor staring down at his ring, sliding the other onto Yuuri’s hand.

“Tomorrow,” Viktor whispered, pressing a kiss on the top of Yuuri’s head after he’d slid the ring on. “Show me the skating you can honestly say that you enjoyed best, and then I’ll accept this gift, Yuuri. I want you by my side.”

Yuuri couldn’t say anything, pressing his face into Viktor’s chest, holding onto the human in front of him, tears welling in his eyes. He couldn’t complete his Call. What even happened to a siren that couldn’t complete a Call? Would he be exiled? Would he be driven mad until he finally drowned Viktor? He didn’t realize he was crying until Viktor’s hand stroked away his tears, surely mistaking them for simple anxiety for the competition to come.

“Let’s go get dinner,” Viktor suggested softly, and Yuuri nodded his head, wiping away his tears and pressing himself into Viktor’s side, walking up to a restaurant.

Where they ran into Mari and Minako, and Yuuri ended up asking the rest of their competitors to eat with him. He sat close beside Viktor, still almost curled into his side, letting the rest of them discuss whatever they wanted to, calmly sipping at his drink and picking at his food. It was easier to forget about his options when there were more people here, and he wouldn’t have to worry about being alone with Viktor, and what he might have to do because of his Call.

“It’s weird,” Yuuri mumbled, mostly for Viktor, but then he realized that more than just Viktor looked at him in response, and he swallowed. “It’s… weird,” He started again. “That we’re all together like this. Last year, at the banquet, I could barely talk to any of you, let alone Viktor.” He smiled happily up to Viktor, even with his mind set on what he might have to do, and Viktor looked like he was about to choke on his drink, setting it down on the table with wide eyes.

“Yuuri, I –” He looked at the rest of the table, shaking his head before amending his statement, “You don’t remember!?” And Yuuri felt his heart stop a little, because… there was something he didn’t remember, he might have Called Viktor, so drunk out of his mind that he couldn’t _remember_ it. Holy shit.

“What?” He asked, almost worried to hear what the answer would be, and when Chris said his name, he groaned into his hands. This was going to be bad. This was going to be _bad_. Yuuri was going to be sick.

“You got drunk on champagne and started dancing with everyone,” Chris explained with a smirk. “We did our dance on a pole.” He winked, and Yuuri saw very clearly that he wasn’t kidding, letting out a squawking noise and glancing to Viktor. Viktor was staring pensively into his beer, not making eye contact.

“And with you?” He asked Viktor, trying to keep calm even as he felt that his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

“You… ground up against me, and asked me to come home with you, to be your coach,” Viktor admitted, still not looking Yuuri in the eye. “Chris has video,” he added, and Yuuri immediately snatched Chris’s phone from his hand, not caring what he was showing Phichit.

He thumbed through the pictures, an increasing load of anxiety building up in his stomach, making him feel sick. Pictures of him, half naked, hanging off of all of them. Of him smiling at Viktor. He found a video, and pressed play.

 _“If I win this dance-off,”_ Yuuri-in-the-video trilled, gesturing to the pole that was off-screen, slinging his arms around Viktor’s neck. “ _You should come Home with me,”_ Yuuri lulled into Viktor’s ear in the video, and his heart stopped as he realized the connotation of the words. Viktor probably thought he was telling him to go to Hasetsu, he was just babbling about his family home after all. But that wasn’t what Yuuri meant, of course it wasn’t. When he had told Viktor to come home with him…

He’d been placing his Call.

 _“Be my coach, Viktor!”_ He barely heard from the video as his heart beat louder and louder. He’d Called Viktor at the banquet, when they were both drunk. He’d told Viktor to come home with him, lured him to Hasetsu, in the hopes of drowning him and finally being a good siren.

Yuuri let out a choked noise, the phone falling from his hand, covering his face with his hands as he tried to think. He could still hear the rest of the skaters animatedly talking behind him, but his brain was moving too quickly to keep up with the conversation. Minako, it must be Minako, pressed play on the video again, and he heard the sharp intake of breath, felt her hand on his shoulder.

And then Chris spoke up, “Hey, what’s with the rings, you two?”

“That’s new,” Minako said, and Yuuri could almost feel his body heat up with shame, trying to think of an excuse, on why he and a _human_ were wearing matching rings. He tried to cover it, but Viktor was leaning back in, and Yuuri knew it was too late.

“We bought them so he’d –” He started, but Viktor had other ideas.

“They’re a pair!” He announced happily, lifting his own hand to show off his ring, and Yuuri smiled slowly, because, yeah, that was true.

And then Phichit stood up. “Congrats on your marriage!” he shouted, and Yuuri’s eyes went wide.

“Wait, Phichit, no –” Yuuri gasped, trying to grab his friend, to stop him, but it was too late, because he was turning around.

“Hey, everybody!” he shouted, loudly waving until he had the attention of all the patrons in the restaurant, gesturing back to Yuuri and Viktor. “My best friend just got married!” Everyone started clapping, and Yuuri sank into his seat.

“Please, no. It’s to… thank him, for all his help and –” Yuuri had to explain this away, he couldn’t be married to Viktor. Not when he had to get as far away from Viktor as he possibly could at the end of this season. Yuuri breathed out when Viktor interrupted, bringing his hands to the table.

“Yeah, don’t get the wrong idea,” he said calmly, raising his own ring and smiling at Yuuri. “They’re just engagement rings. We’ll get married once he wins a gold medal.”

“W-what? Viktor!” Yuuri shouted, his heart pounding. Was Viktor joking? Did he want to marry Yuuri? Yuuri clearly had been on the surface for too long, because a bunch of affection for Viktor and his silly statement bubbled up inside him, sinking back into his seat. He couldn’t marry Viktor. Viktor was supposed to be _leaving_ him soon.

“Gold medal, huh?” Yuuri could barely tell who was speaking with the adrenaline pulsing through him, the anxiety of the situation starting to overwhelm him.

“Well, that’s too bad!” Yuuri had never been happier to hear JJ Leroy’s voice. “Considering _I’ll_ be the one winning gold and getting married,” He finished, planting a kiss on his girlfriend’s (fiancée’s?) lips, laughing in pleasure.

“Let’s go, Yuuri,” Viktor murmured, grabbing his hands and tugging him from his chair. Their check was already paid, so all of the skaters that had come with them followed behind, leaving JJ yelling about how it had been a joke. Yuuri leaned close into Viktor, shaking a little still, even if Viktor couldn’t know why.

When he got back to the hotel, he leaned up to kiss Viktor, holding onto his shirt for a moment too long before he pulled away, trying to keep his smile calm. “I’m gonna go talk to Mari and Minako, okay? I’ll be back in time for for bed,” he promised, kissing Viktor one last time before disappearing down to his sister and Minako’s room, banging on their door.

“Yuuri,” Minako said as she opened the door, immediately letting him step in. “I thought you might come,” she added, brushing his hair back out of his eyes, and he immediately went over to wrap himself around his sister, his body shaking.

“We’ve got a tub, Yuuri. Why don’t you go lay in it while we talk?” Mari whispered, carding her fingers through his hair. He nodded, stripping off his clothes and leaving them on Mari’s bed before walking into their bathroom, running the water and sinking down into it, closing his eyes until he was able to bring his tail out. It was constrained, and he hated it, but it was better than having to deal with the ache in his legs that had come back full force while they were walking back to the hotel.

“I Called Viktor at the banquet,” Yuuri blurted out without thinking, tears streaming from his eyes. “I Called Viktor, and now I’m in love with him, and I can’t kill him. I’m an awful siren, and an awful skater, and I should have just stayed home when he came for me.” He sobbed, pulling his tail up against his chest. Mari and Minako sat on opposite sides of the tub, Mari brushing her fingers through his hair and Minako spooning handfuls of water on his scales to keep him comfortable.

“When did you find out you’d Called him, Yuuri?” Minako asked softly, trying to keep him calm even as he felt like he should be tearing at his skin and fleeing before the competition even started.

“I thought I might have, during the press conference, and he seemed so fixated on me, and Kenjirou suggested he might have, but since then… it’s been obvious, but I didn’t know when I did it until tonight,” he whispered, pressing his head into Mari’s hand, seeking comfort. He was glad that they’d come to Barcelona with him. He wasn’t sure if he could have done this alone.

“You knew before tonight but you bought him an engagement ring?” Mari seemed unimpressed, but kept carding her fingers through his hair. “Don’t say you didn’t, Yuuri, those were clearly meant for you trying to mate him.” When sirens were seeking out a mate, they tended to find the shiniest object that they could and present it to them. Really, human rituals weren’t that different. They just had… more specific items they chose. Rings. Yuuri let out a groan before nodding.

“I didn’t mean for them to be engagement rings. I wanted to show him how much he meant to me, and they were shiny, and I… I acted on instinct,” he muttered. “I should have known, I should have realized what I’d done.”

“Do you want to mate Viktor?” Minako asked, far too kindly, and Yuuri felt the tears in his eyes again, his fingers digging into his fist.

“I don’t know. He’s human, and I Called him. I can’t mate him, can I?” Yuuri spoke tearfully, looking up at them with what he knew must be the most pathetic look he’d ever worn. “And even if I can, it’s all screwed up already, since I Called him, so anything he’s wanted from me has been distorted by the haze of the Call, and if I broke the Call, if I could, he’d just want to go back to St. Petersburg, and leave me in the dust, because I’m _stupid_ to let it get this far and –”

“Yuuri, has no one told you that this isn’t completely abnormal?” Minako asked in shock, and Yuuri looked at her in confusion. “You’re not the first siren to realize they enjoyed humanity, Yuuri. There’s a reason we can spend so much time ashore. Come on, dry off. We’ve got some talking to do, and we probably shouldn’t do it in here, to make sure Viktor doesn’t see you like this,” Minako said, tapping his tail gently.

Yuuri knew she was right. Even though he’d told Viktor where he was going, he’d be coming any minute to make sure that Yuuri was okay and get enough rest. Still, he wrapped his arms around his tail, resting his cheek on his tail and looking up at her. “Can I stay in here for a few more minutes?” he mumbled, looking up at Minako, and she laughed, ruffling his hair.

“Alright. But we’ve gotta get you dry and ready to go back to Viktor before he starts worrying about you,” she warned, and he nodded. Viktor was very, very easy to worry about Yuuri, and Yuuri really didn’t need him banging down the door while he was in the bathtub and had a _tail_. Yuuri let out a little laugh at his situation, resting back against the tub.

“I’m setting a timer for ten minutes, Yuuri,” Mari warned as she left the bathroom. “Wish we could leave you in there longer, but now’s not the time for Viktor to break down our door.” She laughed, and once Yuuri was alone, he let out his breath again, curling his tail up toward his body.

So, maybe Viktor’s love wasn’t completely involuntary, but that didn’t mean that he could marry him, or have him as his mate, because he still had the Call on him, and he doubted that even Mari or Minako had a way to miraculously make that better. He sighed, closing his eyes and bringing the water up to his tail again and again, trying to calm himself down while he was there.

He heard Mari’s alarm go off and groaned, pulling his body out of the tub, grabbing the towel that Minako had put out for him, rubbing it against his tail until it started to fade, closing his eyes as the sharp pain went through him briefly before disappearing with his tail. He stood up, scratching at the scales on his back, and walked into their room, not making eye contact as he changed back into his clothes, pulling his shirt on last, glad that he was wearing something sort of loose-fitting, so he wouldn’t have to worry about the pull of his scales on it while he waited for them to fade.

“Alright, Yuuri.” Minako patted the bed beside her, and Yuuri climbed up, though he chose to sit with his head leaning on Mari’s shoulder instead of by Minako. She smiled at them. Mari immediately ran her fingers through Yuuri’s hair again, and he relaxed against his sister, purring softly for a moment before turning his attention back to Minako. “Viktor being in love with you has nothing to do with your Call.”

“But –”

“Don’t interrupt yet, Yuuri. I know you’ll have questions, but just hold onto them while I explain, alright?” Minako eyed him before continuing. “The only thing your Call should have done to Viktor was draw him to Hasetsu and make him want to have sex with you. Which, when he got here, was pretty much all he wanted. For some reason, he also wanted to coach you, which doesn’t make sense until we think about it a little more.” She paused. “How long have you looked up to Viktor, Yuuri?”

“Since I was twelve,” he mumbled, embarrassed. He’d _accidentally_ proposed to the man that he’d been obsessed with since he was twelve. Who did that?

“Exactly. So, some part of you, drunk at the banquet, decided that he was a good victim for your Call, since you already wanted him as much as he would want you. And then you went and made matters worse, because you managed to get Viktor to accept your Call almost immediately, since he fell in love with you.” Minako looked up at him, and he realized his mouth was hanging open.

“Yuuri, I’ve heard him say he loved you a thousand fucking times.” Mari rolled her eyes at him, but he couldn’t help it.

“How do you know it wasn’t part of the Call, Minako?” he whispered, and she smiled.

“The Call won’t do that, Yuuri. That just makes us more attractive and humans horny. If he’s as in love with you as he looks, he’s gone past the Call, and is probably fighting at it at every minute you two spend together to not want to be in your pants. Somehow, you got Viktor Nikiforov to fall so in love with you that night that he can almost completely ignore the main purpose of a Call now.”

“But I can’t,” Yuuri complained, involuntarily scratching at his legs, even as Mari swatted his hand away. “Minako, it hurts _so much_ more than before, and I’ve thought about it a few times,” he whispered, feeling like if his voice got any louder, Viktor would somehow hear him. “I’ve thought about bringing him home and pushing him under and –”

“Do you want to?” Minako asked, seriously. “Because if you want to, do it. It’ll make this a whole lot easier if you just drown the man.”

“You know I don’t,” he muttered, his cheeks red with shame. Of course he didn’t. Viktor Nikiforov was his idol, and he got too attached to humans too quickly.

“Then I think we shouldn’t treat this like a normal Call. There are other  –” There was a knock at the door, and Yuuri blinked. Viktor just had the perfect timing to ruin whatever Minako had to say. She sighed, shaking her head. “We’ll have to talk later, Yuuri.” Minako ruffled his hair. “I’m sure that’s Viktor.”

He nodded his head, reaching back to scratch at the scales he could feel retreating once more before standing up, looking at them. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?” he mumbled, and Mari grabbed his arm, pulling him into the bathroom while Minako went to get the door.

“You’re going to drive yourself crazy one day, Yuuri,” Mari said good-naturedly, splashing water over Yuuri’s face and patting it just beneath his eyes until the swelling went down and he looked acceptable. “Go get him.” She shoved him gently, but Yuuri still stumbled as he walked out of the bathroom.

“Viktor!” All it took for him to smile was one look at Viktor’s loopy smile, and Yuuri walked up to him, straight into his waiting arms, taking in a breath of air. God, he had to stop this. If he wanted to be able to ever stop this pain, and if he wanted Viktor to have a normal life, he had to stop this. “I’m sorry, I was just… talking to them,” he mumbled, pressing himself against Viktor’s chest and breathing him in.

Viktor laughed. “I thought you might want to, but it was getting late, and I want you in top shape going into the competition tomorrow.” He waved goodbye to Minako and Mari, and Yuuri followed suit, taking Viktor’s hand as they left the room, trying to think nonetheless. He had to do something.

He still hadn’t made a decision when he climbed into bed that night, staring at Viktor opposite him.

He had to wake up early the next morning for competition, and he stayed quiet on their walk there, keeping himself close to Viktor. He didn’t normally mind the crowds of people, but he felt calmer close to Viktor. His legs hurt less while they were touching, and it gave him a glimmer of hope that he could get through this competition.

Yuuri separated from Viktor only to skate, knowing this was probably his last time with this program, and so giving it his all. He bit his lip, thinking about what Minako had said to him, about what this program was. This wasn’t what mattered. This was the program that expressed what Viktor had wanted when he got to Hasetsu – sex. Eros, sexual love. Pleasure upon pleasure. It was something that Yuuri had to work so hard to express, even in the middle of a Call.

Maybe that made sense, then, what Minako had said, that Viktor had somehow surpassed Yuuri’s Call. He was unattractive, unwanted, even as a siren. Viktor had no sexual desire for Yuuri, and Yuuri had to dig deep into himself to do something that should be _instinctual_.

It didn’t matter, he could still win. His base score was higher than most of the other skaters, and he had a trick up his sleeve that would hopefully bring him to where he needed to be. Yuuri built up his speed but cussed under his breath. He’d missed his landing; he’d messed up. He knew he could still beat them, but he still couldn’t skate a perfect program, not even for Viktor. Not even to seduce a man it should take nothing from him to seduce.

He finished the program, and fell to the ground, the tears finally escaping his eyes once he was he finished, still frowning as he stepped off the ice. It wasn’t his best, it was _far_ from his best, and he ignored Viktor trying to soothe him afterwards. The free program was what really mattered, he _knew_ that, but he couldn’t help but be frustrated. With himself, with his skating with… everything, really.

He stood up from the kiss and cry, glancing over to Phichit’s skate – he was excited, and Yuuri was happy his friend had made it this far. Really, he was proud of Phichit and all he’d accomplished since Yuuri left – he was only going to get more talented as time went on. He had so many places still to go and… Yuuri felt the tears welling up in his eyes again, still standing by Viktor’s side. He wished he could be more excited for his friend, but the anxiety of the competition and impending choices he had to make surrounding his relationship with Viktor were… overwhelming.

And then Yuri had to come over, and Yuuri yelped in surprise when he kicked at the bench, even if he and Viktor were no longer sitting. “Good luck,” he mumbled under his breath, hands shaking, especially as Phichit’s score ended up so close to him, even though their base scores were so different. He couldn’t lose this.

Interviewers came to him as Yuri finally took the ice, and Yuuri wrapped his arms around himself, trying to talk to them calmly at Viktor’s side but… “Excuse me,” he mumbled, thanking the interviewers before walking off. Where was Viktor?

Yuuri found him, staring at Yuri’s performance, and his mind was made up, tears in his eyes. He couldn’t keep Viktor away from this. He couldn’t… No. _He_ was far from worthy to steal Viktor from the world. Not even just to drown him but… to even consider mating him. He had to let Viktor go. He had to let him go back to skating, and Yuuri had to return to the sea.

They announced that Yuri’s score had broken Viktor’s short program record, and Yuuri was shaking as they took their seats, wrapping his arms tight around himself. He just wanted to go home. It was the middle of the competition, and he wanted to quit and disappear into the water. Viktor wasn’t sitting close enough, and his legs were killing him, and he just tried to hide his tears, watching how involved Viktor was with each new skater.

He had to let him go. It didn’t matter what Minako had to say. He had to let Viktor go back to Russia when this season was over, and he had to leave him.

Yuuri could barely pay attention to the rest of the competitors, to any of the taunts and cheers coming from them. He was shaking.

He walked silently back to their hotel from the competition, Viktor trailing behind him. “I’m going to shower,” he mumbled as soon as they reached the room, and he stepped inside, stripping off his clothes and scrubbing at his skin. Being this far from Viktor made his legs _burn_ , and he sobbed to himself, sinking down onto the ground even though he couldn’t have his tail, not now. He didn’t want to lose Viktor, but this really was his only choice. He managed to pull himself together by the time that he stepped out of the shower, and he threw on his shirt and underwear, letting Viktor in before he got the rest of the way dressed, finally donning his glasses, fidgeting on the bed in wait.

Viktor stepped out, toweling his hair off with one hand, and Yuuri took in a deep breath. “Viktor, can we talk?” He asked, looking up, and Viktor immediately walked over, a wide heart-shaped smile on his face.

“Of course! What is it? Anxiety about your free program? We can’t do any practice before it, but we can talk it through, if that makes you feel better. I had to talk mine through with Yakov a few times so that I was sure that I’d get them –”

“After the finals,” Yuuri cut into Viktor’s rant, knowing that he couldn’t let him continue, or he’d lose all of the strength he’d built up to reach this moment, “we should end this.”

Because Viktor didn’t know _what_ Yuuri was. He didn’t know what had happened at the banquet, no one who had been there did. It wasn’t fair to Viktor. Maybe Yuuri was a better siren than he thought, and Viktor didn’t deserve that, either. He didn’t deserve someone as fake and as much of a failure as Yuuri was.

(Just thinking these things should have shown Yuuri that _wasn’t true_. No self-respecting siren would feel _bad_ for seducing a human, especially not one like Viktor Nikiforov.)

“Yuuri?” Viktor whispered, his eyes wide with some emotion that Yuuri didn’t recognize at first. Vulnerability, Yuuri realized after a moment, that’s what Viktor was showing him. Viktor was vulnerable, and scared, and Yuuri felt worse about his decision, but he couldn’t give it up now.

“You’ve done too much for me already, Viktor. You… you barely know me still, even after all of this. You _can’t_ want me, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to get hurt, staying with me will hurt you,” Yuuri gasped out the words before he stopped himself. He couldn’t tell Viktor that the way he’d be hurt is that Yuuri himself would drown him, but the warning had to be enough, right? Viktor had to understand how much this was hurting Yuuri. This wasn’t something he would do without thought. He needed to let Viktor go. “Thank you,” he repeated, staring at the ground.

“Yuuri,” Viktor started to speak, and Yuuri dug his nails into his leg, knowing that Viktor was going to try to talk him out of this.

“You have to leave. I don’t want you to coach me any more. You need to go back to Russia.” Maybe, if he was more direct, Viktor would leave. Viktor would be safe. He would be _happy_. Viktor turned his head away from Yuuri, and Yuuri breathed out. Did that mean he was thinking about it? But then… a drop of water fell onto Viktor’s foot, and Yuuri looked up, expecting Viktor’s still-wet hair to be dripping, but… ”Viktor?” he whispered, leaning forward, “Are you crying?”

“I…” Viktor started, turning away from him, and Yuuri should have known. Trying to break a Call would probably hurt the siren, but leaving the human? What the hell did that do? Especially with Viktor, in this special case, where he’d seemed to have genuinely fallen in love with Yuuri. “I didn’t expect Yuuri Katsuki to be such a selfish human being.”

And that cut Yuuri sharper than any other thing that Viktor could have told him, because that was exactly the problem. Not that he was selfish, but that he _wasn’t human._ “I’ve made my decision, Viktor.” He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t give Viktor any opening to try to say that Yuuri didn’t mean this. “I’m retiring.”

Viktor seemed, if anything, more upset by that and Yuuri brushed his hair away from his eyes. Viktor glared at him from behind his bangs. “What are you doing?” he snapped, and Yuuri held firm, looking at him.

“I didn’t expect you’d react this strongly,” he mumbled.

And then Viktor slapped his hand away, and Yuuri stared at him in shock. “I’m mad, Yuuri! You can’t do this to me! You can’t lead me on all season and then decide that you’re done with me!” he snapped, and Yuuri stared, because somehow Viktor’s words were just confirming his worst fears. It sounded a whole lot like the Call talking. Especially when Viktor continued, “I wanted to go back to Hasetsu with you! Spend more time there, with you, and your family. You can’t leave me.” He sobbed, and Yuuri stared at him.

“It’s not your home. And you need to go back to St. Petersburg, anyway. To go back to Yakov. There’s nothing for you in Hasetsu, Viktor.” Yuuri toyed with his ring, considering taking it off, but something inside him hurt more than the argument at the thought of removing his ring. It wasn’t the pain from his legs, it was something deeper.

“ _You’re_ in Hasetsu!” Viktor fought back, and Yuuri blinked away his own tears. Why was this so _hard_?

“I’m not good for you, Viktor! You need to go back to skating, and you can’t do that in Hasetsu, and you won’t have the excuse of being my coach since I’m done!”

“How can you tell me to make a comeback when you’re retiring?” he sobbed, shoving Yuuri away and going to bed.

“How can you just sit around and watch this, Viktor!? I can tell that you’re missing the ice!” Yuuri snapped back, still sitting on the ledge, knowing he wasn’t welcome with Viktor.

“I don’t _need_ the fucking ice, Yuuri! I need you!” he all but growled, and Yuuri’s face went blank, his shoulders falling. He had been right. What Viktor had said only proved what Yuuri had been thinking. His desperate need for Yuuri, no matter what he loved, what would be better for him, it was too much. It meant that he was too far gone in Yuuri’s Call.

“Then this is for the best,” he responded calmly, standing up and climbing into the other bed, the only sounds in the room the soft creaking of the floor above them.

Yuuri went to bed that night with a worse ache in his legs than he had for a long time. He should feel _better_ , he was doing the right thing, but… it hurt so much. He chewed on his lip before speaking up again, “Viktor,” he whispered, to no response. “I… I promise this is for the best. If you want, I can… we can talk, after the Finals are over, before you leave. I promise. I’ll explain it.” And he meant it, he’d tell Viktor _everything_ if it meant that he wouldn’t have to see him cry ever again. He would take him to Hasetsu with him, show him the beach. He would do anything if it meant that Viktor could leave him in peace.

“I’m asleep.” Viktor’s petulant voice came from the other bed, and Yuuri smiled softly to himself, burying himself in the sheets, trying to calm down. “But after you compete, I want to talk.” Viktor was more quiet with the final words, and Yuuri glanced over to him. He was hugging a pillow to himself, tears still falling on his cheeks. Yuuri’s heart broke looking at him.

Yuuri wanted to climb into the other bed and wrap his body around Viktor’s. He wanted to hold him tight and promise to never hurt him and cherish him forever. He wanted their rings to mean something.

But it didn’t matter what Yuuri wanted.

This was for the best.


	6. part vi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at me finally ending this fic!!
> 
> NOTE: end notes contain more story; i cut it out because i decided i liked the ending i had better, but i figured i might as well include it since i already had it written. nothing happens in the notes that changes anything about the fic. it's also 100% unedited.

Yuuri was exhausted when he went to the rink for the competition, but was just glad that Viktor wasn’t so angry that Yuuri couldn’t lean against him. Viktor kept Yuuri close to his side as they walked, shielding him from the rest of the world. Yuuri’s thoughts were still swimming, trying to figure out how to tell Viktor what he’d promised to. Viktor needed to know why Yuuri couldn’t love him, why he couldn’t have him.

If he knew, then they’d be able to move on from this, and the rest of the world could have Viktor Nikiforov back, they could have what they deserved. Did that mean that Yuuri had to tell Viktor the full truth? Bring him back to Hasetsu, prove that he was a murderous creature? But if he brought him back to the water, that would be a risk of killing him…

Yuuri could barely pay attention to the skaters before him, shaking as he and Viktor walked to the rink, as he stepped onto the ice. Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hand gently. “Are you worried? Yuuri, you can still win gold. Your free program is beautiful, you’ll blow them away,” he whispered. Yuuri tried to stay focused on the feeling of his hand on Viktor’s.

“I just… want to be happy my last time on the ice.” Yuuri threaded their fingers together, tears in his eyes. “I want to be as true to who I am as I can be. I want to show the world everything you’ve given me.”

“Yuuri,” Viktor sighed, leaning in a little closer, and Yuuri swallowed, staring at him, “I really want to kiss the gold medal.” He smirked as he spoke, pulling Yuuri in for a hug, and Yuuri stayed in his arms, as long as long as he could, actually managing to smile when he saw the genuinely happy look in Viktor’s eyes.

He felt the tears in his eyes, and just kept Viktor close for another moment, calming down his emotions. This was his chance. His chance to show Viktor what he meant to him, to show the world. “Please watch me,” he whispered.

Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hand before he went onto the ice, and he wondered if they were going to be okay, for the little time that they had left. He kissed his ring softly – he didn’t want this to end. He hated himself for how terrible his instincts were, because he couldn’t lose this. More than anything else, Yuuri wanted Viktor Nikiforov to be his, and to keep him as a human, grounded here.

He didn’t want to drown him, he didn’t want him to leave. Yuuri wanted to wake up every morning with Viktor Nikiforov in his arms, and to skate until he was too old to skate any longer. But he couldn’t have that, so he had to have it all now, at one time. This one skate had to last the rest of his lifetime.

His skating had to prove himself as a human, one last time. He had to do something that could impress Viktor, could show him that Yuuri was ready to leave. This program had to encompass everything that he had as a human.

As Yuuri landed his final jump, moved into his final pose, he outstretched his hand to Viktor, and his heart nearly stopped, because he realized that he didn’t know how to go through with his plan any more. He couldn’t lose Viktor. Even if his time pretending to be human was over, he… he wasn’t _done_. After all of that, after everything he’d tried so hard to do to keep Viktor safe… He couldn’t stop this, no matter how much he had to. He knew he was going to have to take Viktor to the beach, but it terrified him. No matter what happened at the beach, he was going to lose him.

He felt tears in his eyes again, a sob escaping his mouth as he fell to the ice, shaking still. This was the end. This was the end of Yuuri Katsuki as a figure skater, as long as he was strong enough to do what was best. He was losing something so essential to himself and he couldn’t stop that. As his breathing finally evened out, he looked up, directly at Viktor. Viktor, who despite any fights or upset with each other, was still standing there with outstretched arms, waiting for Yuuri. He stared at Viktor’s open arms and went running.

He felt like he was going to collapse as soon as Viktor was holding him, so he let him support most of his weight over to the kiss and cry, sitting with their hips touching, with a near constant touch of Viktor’s hand on his back.

And then his score was announced, and Yuuri didn’t process it at first, only Viktor’s excitement. He’d broken the world record. In his last ever act as a figure skater, he’d broken Viktor’s record. Yuuri started crying again as he wrapped his arms around Viktor.

Viktor chuckled, brushing Yuuri’s hair out of his face. “Well, it looks like I have my work cut out for me, trying to reclaim my place.”

“Does that mean you’ll come back?” Viktor had thought about, Viktor might be going back to skating. It would make Yuuri leaving easier, on him.

Yuuri could barely think about himself. If he thought about himself, he’d think about how much _more_ selfish it would be for him to come back now. Viktor would be _happy_ back on the ice. He’d forget all about his short time with Yuuri.

But Yuuri didn’t want him to.

Viktor walked off after their interviews were over, saying that he had some business to take care of, so Yuuri wrapped his arms around himself, settling into his seat and staring out to watch the rest of the skaters, feeling almost numb. He’d done it.

Well, at least, he’d done something. Yuri Plisetsky managed to scrape by him for the win, and Yuuri breathed out a sigh. Oh well. Silver was close, right? He went back to the ice to accept his medal, exhausted. He still had to talk to Viktor.

He held his medal tight once they were handed out, standing happily on the podium. This… did it have to be the end? Couldn’t he hold on, and just see what happened? Minako had said there were different Calls, could he take Viktor to the beach and still be safe?

He stepped off of the podium, walking straight to Viktor. “I know you said you wanted gold…” He handed off the medal, and Viktor didn’t make a move to take it.

“I don’t feel like kissing it unless it’s gold!” Viktor said pleasantly, and Yuuri blanched, until Viktor spoke again, “I’d much rather kiss you.” He wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s neck, pulling him in for a happy kiss.

Yuuri stared at Viktor for a second before kissing him back, pressing him into the wall. Against all of his instincts, he wanted to take what he could with the time that he had left. If he was leaving Viktor soon, he was kissing him now. “I… please skate with me. Like we’ve practiced. For my exhibition.”

Viktor looked shocked, if a little disappointed. “Anything else?” Yuuri wanted to wrap him back in his arms, kiss him again and again. Tell him that he wanted to go back to skating, to stay here forever. But those weren’t possibilities. He still couldn’t bring himself to let Viktor down.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Yuuri murmured, and Viktor looked dejected, but nodded his acceptance. Yuuri could take his time. He held onto Viktor, going back to their hotel room.

The practice leading up to his exhibition was kind of hard, since he wasn’t doing exactly what he wanted to, since Viktor wasn’t with him, but it was fine. The day of the exhibition, he was ready.

He skated onto the ice calmly, tracing the steps of the performance he had used all year for his exhibition easily, and extending a hand when Viktor came onto the ice, smiling widely at him. The movements were fluid, and easy to go through, easy to follow since he was by Viktor’s side.

When they stepped off of the ice, Yuuri waited until they both had their skate guards on before backing Viktor into a wall while the ice was prepared for Yuri’s exhibition. “Come home with me,” Yuuri demanded, throwing his arms around Viktor’s neck and pressing their lips together. “And I’ll tell you everything. I want you to know everything.” He wasn’t going to drown Viktor. Maybe there was some other way, and he could have everything. Maybe there wasn’t. But he wanted Viktor to see _him_ , and to understand.

“I thought you didn’t want me back in Hasetsu?” Viktor said softly, and Yuuri felt his frustration was almost palpable even though it was a completely honest mistake for Viktor to make. He didn’t know that Yuuri wasn’t actually from Hasetsu.

“I don’t. Come home with me,” he repeated nonetheless, because his instinct was kicking in after his talk with Minako, and all he wanted was for Viktor to come back to the sea with him. He just had to keep Viktor out of the water. He kissed him again, harder this time, and Viktor made a surprised noise.

“Then where are we going?” Viktor asked, and Yuuri breathed out, glad that Viktor wasn’t fighting with it. He pressed him against the wall, humming against his lips before smirking.

“Hasetsu.” Before Viktor could fight, Yuuri put a finger to his lips, shaking his head. “You’ll see, Viktor. I swear I’m not crazy.” He leaned on his tiptoes for one last kiss, feeling his body buzzing with excited energy. From their pair skate, from Minako’s news, from the fact that he was bringing Viktor home. There were a thousand anxieties that still worried him about this, but right now all he could think about was going home, and showing Viktor. “Let’s go pack.”

Packing was easy, and Yuuri was able to relax on the plane next to Viktor, curled up into his side, his head lolling against his shoulder as he finally slept well. The competition had taken a lot out of his body, as was his Call, and he was fine that they were both about to be over. He was finally going to show Viktor who he was. Hopefully Minako was right and there was something _more_ to their Call. He was terrified that something was going to happen when he took Viktor to the beach.

They got back to the airport late that night, and Yuuri leaned into Viktor’s side, his eyes on the beach their entire ride back to the hot springs. He kissed Viktor one last time. “Tomorrow night, I’ll take you home,” he whispered, apparently not softly enough, because Mari stared at him from across the room, raising her eyebrow in a way that Yuuri knew meant they’d have to talk.

He looked away from his sister, instead focusing on Viktor, leading him up to his room and laying down in bed with him, exhausted. He fell asleep almost immediately, glad for the feeling of Viktor’s arms around him. Tomorrow, he’d tell Viktor what was happening, why all of this couldn’t happen. This could be the last night that he spent wrapped in his mate’s arms, and he didn’t want to let go.

He woke up early in the morning and kissed Viktor softly when he saw that he was also awake. “I’m going to go to Minako’s studio for a few hours. I’ll be back for lunch.” He stood up, stretching out and leisurely changing his clothes, not looking back to Viktor as he pulled on his Team Japan jacket, something he finally felt that he’d actually earned.

Viktor looked at him with a sleepy smile, nodding his head. “Make sure you relax a little bit, Yuuri. It’s your day off, you just won. You’re… taking me to the beach tonight, right?” Viktor said nervously, like he wasn’t sure what he was allowed to do around Yuuri, and Yuuri nodded.

“I’ll see you for lunch,” he repeated, dashing from the room. He took a jog for a little while to calm himself down before going into Minako’s studio, stretching out easily and keeping his mind off of what he was doing with Viktor later that night. Instead, he stripped out of his jacket, dancing, letting himself get re-centered, and calm down from the adrenaline of the competition and the panic of what was to come.

“Yuuri.” Minako’s voice broke through his daze, and Yuuri opened his eyes, looking back at her. “You alright? Thought Mari said Viktor gave you a day off practice.” She leaned against the bar, looking just as graceful as she always did, and Yuuri knew that he had to tell the truth. If anyone would understand, Minako would try to.

“I’m telling Viktor tonight,” he mumbled, so soft that he doubted she could hear him, so he immediately repeated himself, looking up. “I’m telling Viktor tonight, that I’m a siren. That I Called him, even. I’m going to take him to the beach, and I’m going to… hope I don’t kill him.” He sat on the ground, not wanting to stop moving, so stretching again instead, watching Minako.

“Yuuri.” Minako refused to carry on until he was looking up at her. “Have you ever considered at all what I said, that you might have a different kind of Call on Viktor than most of us use?” Yuuri’s eyes grew wide, and Minako continued, “Surely they told you about the other kind when you were in school, Yuuri.”

“I thought it was a myth.” Yuuri swallowed. There was a myth that teachers taught them, that sirens were able to Call humans to be their mates, rather than draw them to their death. It was much harder than a normal Call, but if the human accepted it, and truly loved the siren back, then luring them into the water would give them the opportunity to live forever with their mate. They never specified what it meant, because it was not one that most sirens _wanted._ It often ended with death for the human involved anyway, since it still involved luring them into the water, and a lot of time instincts kicked in and the siren held them under instead, but…

“Not a myth, just really rare. Look, I’ve been watching you and Viktor, Yuuri, and what you’ve got is different. You’re not actively Calling him, or he’d not want to marry you like this. I think, somehow, you accidentally drunkenly asked Viktor Nikiforov to be your mate, Called him to you, and still managed to seduce him. This just doesn’t feel like a normal Call to me.” Minako shrugged as she finished, standing back up and stretching out her arms. “I may be wrong, but… I’d try, if you think you really love him that much. Could turn out okay. And then you both could go back to skating, and you don’t need to send your mate to Russia without you.”

“He’s not my mate!” Yuuri squeaked, and Minako laughed, ruffling his hair.

“Not yet. Go get him, Yuuri.” Minako turned, and Yuuri stretched again, preparing to spend most of the night in the studio, trying to ready himself to talk to Viktor. “Don’t hurt yourself. Thirty more minutes in here, then you’re done for the day,” she warned before sauntering back out of the main room of the studio, leaving Yuuri dwelling with his thoughts.

Could he have this special bond with Viktor? Could he… could he do this?

He left the studio after his half hour was up, walking back to the hot springs, where he could hear Viktor laughing in the kitchen with Mari, trying to help cook while she told him the Japanese words for everything in there. He traded most of them for the Russian words, and Yuuri relaxed a little at the domesticity – Viktor didn’t hate him.

He went into the kitchen, and Viktor smiled brightly, repeating whatever word Mari had just told him, and Yuuri laughed, walking over to them. “I see she’s put you to work,” he said, leaning against the counter, watching them cook.

“I see Minako actually got you to leave the studio. She called, you know. Told me to come get you if you didn’t come home,” Mari responded, and Yuuri’s cheeks lit up pink. “She doesn’t want you to push yourself, Yuuri. You need to be careful.”

“I was careful. I was just… thinking. It’s easier to think while I move,” he mumbled, and Mari smiled at him.

“Viktor told me you two are going to the beach tonight?” She raised her eyebrows, and he knew the question in them, nodding.

“I told him I wanted to show him home. Minako told me it was a good idea,” he said, as calmly as he could, though he knew that wasn’t very convincing.

“Alright, then come help out!” She handed him a pan, and soon they were all cooking, talking casually as they continued to trade languages, turning to Yuuri when they weren’t sure the precise English term for something. It felt safe and comfortable, and Yuuri helped that it was something that he could have more of in the future.

After lunch, they spent some time in Viktor’s room, sitting on his bed and watching videos until it was time for dinner. After dinner, Yuuri grabbed Viktor’s arm. “Wait for me before going to the beach tonight. We’re going a slightly different way than usual, because I need to show you something special. And wear… ah… not too much clothes,” Yuuri said, covering his face after he had, daring to uncover his eyes and seeing Viktor staring at him. “I promise it will make sense.” He kissed Viktor before disappearing from him so he could grab towels from his own room.

An hour later, he walked back to Viktor, and smiled from his doorway. “Makkachin needs to stay back tonight. She’ll be fine, we’ll be back before too long.” He reached out a hand, which Viktor immediately took, and Yuuri led him out the door and to the back of the hot springs, to the secret, closed off part of the beach that was best for this. He walked to the edge of the dock before peeling off his shirt, turning around to take off his pants as well, folding them in a neat pile with the extra clothes that he’d brought for Viktor and their towels. He sat his glasses on the very top.

“Please don’t freak out,” was his only warning to Viktor before he dove into the water, going deeper, until he was completely covered. After a moment, he heard Viktor shouting his name, but Yuuri stayed under, letting the change take place, trying to stay calm. He felt his tail finally come to be, and stretched out his back, swimming for a few seconds before popping his head up, trying to hide any scales from Viktor, but he knew he still looked different, his ears a little more elongated, his eyes clearer. There were a few scales peeking over the water, too, but Yuuri wasn’t sure if Viktor could see the differences.

“Yuuri?” He questioned, leaning toward the edge of the dock, dipping his feet into the water, and Yuuri swam forward so that he was able to look at him more clearly, swallowing before he began to speak.

“I am not human.” He dove underwater, not in fear of Viktor’s reaction, but making sure that his tail was fully visible for a few seconds before he popped back up, not bothering to hide the slight scales curling over his shoulders and on his ears, staring at Viktor for a response.

“You’re… a mermaid?” he asked, which Yuuri had been expecting, and he let out a sigh of relief, holding onto the edge of the dock (even though he could easily support himself with his tail). At least Viktor hadn’t gone running yet.

“A siren. Close, but not quite the same. Mermaids are a little more innocent, sirens…” This was it. This was where Viktor was either going to respect Yuuri for what he was or run away screaming. What would he even do if he left? Yuuri took a deep breath before continuing, “are more dangerous. They… kill people.”

“You’ve… killed people?” Viktor’s eyes widened, and Yuuri could see in them that he was considering moving away. Just as long as Viktor stayed for the rest of his explanation, that’s what he needed.

He swallowed, trying to keep his calm. “No. We… to kill someone, we need to lure them to the sea, with our Call. It’s… seduction at its finest. We Call them, and they become undeniably attracted to us until we lead them into the water and drown them.” Yuuri stared down into the water, his cheeks red even though VIktor didn’t understand the implication of anything that Yuuri was saying. “I wasn’t kidding with how hard I found the seduction of Eros. I haven’t… successfully completed a Call yet.”

“Yuuri?” Viktor seemed to have caught on, his eyes wide as he started to move back from the edge of the dock. Yuuri circled his hand around one of his ankles, holding gently, and he could nearly hear Viktor’s heartbeat. He couldn’t look him in the eyes, he didn’t want to see the fear.

“I’ve Called you, Viktor,” he admitted, softly, and he heard Viktor’s intake of breath, the panic clearly starting to get to him, too. “I… please, trust me?”

“Trust you?” Viktor repeated, looking shell-shocked, but not completely against the idea. Of course he wouldn’t be – trust may be the only thing that kept Viktor alive right now.

“I… you love me, right?” Yuuri said, his voice quiet. He hated having to hear the words in such a context, and he was worried that asking for it would prove that Viktor didn’t love him. What if he let Viktor go to St. Petersburg now? Would he tell everyone that Yuuri was a murderer?

Yuuri swallowed away his fears when Viktor, sounding entirely honest (if a little terrified), replied, “Of course I love you.”

“Then please trust me. I’m sorry,” Yuuri whispered before grasping onto Viktor’s leg and pulling him into the water with him, pulling him under, even as Viktor fought for the surface, staring at him with wide eyes. He had to be realizing what this all meant, and Yuuri growled as he tried to get away, pulling him closer, tugging him deeper under.

This was it, this was what he had been imagining all season. Wrapping his arms around Viktor, at the end of their seductive dance. He’d gotten him this far, and now it was time for his success. He dragged Viktor deeper, his arms around him and his tail twining around his legs to keep them in place (or at least try to). In theory, he knew how this should work.

What he hadn’t accounted for was Viktor moving quite so much in his arms. Viktor couldn’t stop squirming, kicking and pushing, and trying to get away from him, trying to get to the surface.

“Stop struggling, Viktor!” he snapped. Viktor’s face was starting to change colors, and Yuuri looked down at him again. He had to think quick, if he didn’t want the ending his program did. He didn’t want to kill Viktor, he wanted him here, with him. Forever. And if Minako was telling the truth, he could have that. But Yuuri could do nothing more now that he had Viktor in the water, so he had to… He had to make Viktor see what he wanted to.

His eyes caught the glint of his ring, a different shine than anything else in the water, and an idea struck him. “Think about what you want most in the world, other than air. Think about…” Yuuri wished he could be sure that that was him, so he brought his hand up to Viktor’s face, making sure that he saw his ring on the way there, kissing his forehead. He had to be more specific. If Minako was right, if this was a different kind of Call, Viktor should genuinely want him, beyond anything else. “Think about me, Viktor. Right now. Look at me. Think about being with me, even knowing this.”

He didn’t know what else to say, and Viktor looked like he was starting to lose consciousness, so Yuuri started shooting back up to the surface before he froze, looking at Viktor’s neck, where there was the slightest fluttering movement. His _gills_. Yuuri held him closer in excitement, watching as Viktor’s eyes shot open, taking in mouthfuls of the water, his gills working it through his body. His struggling stopped, and he went limp in Yuuri’s arms.

Yuuri reached around his back, grinning widely as he felt the scales, just barely peeking through, but making their way. He licked his lips in excitement, watching as Viktor’s legs fuse together and form a gorgeous black pattern, patches of silver and red scales scattered throughout, tracing around his back in a simplistic pattern. The color scheme reminded Yuuri of the costume he’d been wearing all season, and he couldn’t help but trace his fingers against the scales on Viktor’s back, tracing them back down to the base of his tail. Viktor shivered at the touches, and Yuuri watched him closely, in awe.

Viktor reached out his arms, touching the scales in shock before looking at Yuuri. ”You weren’t killing me,” he whispered.

Yuuri, at the same time, whispered, “You really love me.”

“Was that even a question!?” Viktor said, shocked a moment later, and Yuuri broke into excited laughter, swimming around him a few times before leaning in to kiss him deeply. “How did you know how to do this, Yuuri?”

Yuuri shook his head. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve never killed anyone – you were the first person I Called.” He could barely interrupt his kisses for the sake of explanation, tugging Viktor in close to him, curling their tails together happily as he traced across the new patterns of scales. “I was going to have you leave because I didn’t want to kill you, I didn’t Call you on purpose, it was at the banquet,” he gasped softly, burying his face against Viktor’s neck, calming down. “But Minako said that there was an alternative ending to a Call. If you really loved me, and trusted me, and wanted me, you’d do anything for it. You could live with me.” He gestured to their joined tails. “As for how to do it, I just… trusted my instincts?”

“You risked killing me so we could be together forever?” Viktor whispered.

“I… yes?” Yuuri said, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck, but Viktor lit up with a smile.

“I’m glad it worked then. Do I have to kill people now?” he asked, much more concerned than a moment ago.

Yuuri shook his head. “I don’t think so. Most of us have to, because it’s in our nature, and for the survival of our species. It hurt me a lot to stay human for so long since I hadn’t, but since you started human, I doubt it’ll hurt you. And I’ve completed a Call now, technically, so I don’t ever have to do this again, I don’t think.”

“Good,” Viktor murmured, kissing him. “I don’t want to share.”

“Viktor,” Yuuri mumbled after a few more moments of kissing, looking up at him. “This… might be the worst request I can have right now, but… can… would you coach me? One more season?”

“We’ll have to go to St. Petersburg. I already told Yakov I was coming back, and I don’t think he’ll take kindly to me quitting again,” Viktor warned, and Yuuri shrugged.

“You have a beach. And now that you know, we can go together. We’ll have to be careful, but there are probably colonies in St. Petersburg, too, so they’ll have places I can stay if I need to be… here for a while,” Yuuri said. He’d thought about it a lot since he’d spoken to Minako.

Viktor lit up in excitement, kissing Yuuri again. “Where do you stay when you’re here?” he asked, and Yuuri grabbed his hand, taking him to see his real home, glad to have him with him.

They went back to shore the next night, in the same private spot behind the hot springs where they wouldn’t immediately have to get dressed. Yuuri led Viktor back into the area they’d left their clothing, handing it off to him and reaching behind himself to try to dry off his back. “These are the hardest to make go away,” he muttered. Viktor moved his hands and the towel, reaching out with his own before pausing.

“Yuuri,” he whispered, and Yuuri looked back, confused by his awed face. “This is why you chose the costume for your free program, isn’t it? I was wondering where you came up with the pattern… it’s part of you.” Yuuri ducked his head down before nodding, letting Viktor dry his shoulders, looking back again when he felt him press two soft kisses to his back – one on each shoulder. “You’re beautiful.”

Yuuri flushed red, grabbing Viktor’s hand to lead him upstairs. They both climbed into Viktor’s bed, curled around each other, falling asleep easily. In the morning, they started to make plans for Yuuri to move to St. Petersburg after Worlds, talking to his family as they did.

When they moved, Viktor sold his apartment to buy them a house closer to the beach. “It’s not quite as good as the hot springs and Hasetsu’s beach, but I figured being closer would help.” He smiled at Yuuri as he handed him the key to their new house. “And… a new life with you. Our house, not my old apartment.”

Yuuri held the key tight, kissing Viktor deeply.

They got married at the end of that season on the beach in Hasetsu. Viktor had chosen to truly retire, and Yuuri wanted one last season, to see if he could end up on top one more time. His hair had grown evenly to his shoulders, so he had to have Mari help him brush it back into an intricate braid on the day of the wedding. Viktor was also letting his hair grow out again, but it wasn’t nearly as long as Yuuri’s yet, so he still wore it free, standing there, waiting for Yuuri.

“Thank you,” Viktor murmured at the end of their wedding, after the vows, while they were standing arm in arm on the beach, staring out into the water.

“For what?” Yuuri mumbled, wrapping his arms around Viktor’s waist and also staring into the water. It was really beautiful, and he was glad that Viktor wanted to spend their first night married in Yuuri’s house in the colony.

“For giving me a new life,” Viktor answered calmly, staring into the water still. “I was sick of being the untouchable Viktor Nikiforov. You’ve saved me.”

“That’s definitely the opposite of what I was supposed to do.” Yuuri found himself cracking a smile, and Viktor let out a surprised bark of laughter, the two pushing at each other until they were laying in the sand, one on top of each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the extra part of the ending that i cut: 
> 
> _“Yuuri!” Viktor shouted as his new husband dragged him toward the water, peeling off his clothes as they went. “The party!”_
> 
> _“The party can wait a few hours. You didn’t want it ‘til late, anyway.” Yuuri dragged off his own shirt before diving into the water, hearing Viktor immediately follow him._
> 
> _To think, his Call saved someone. Maybe he wasn’t a failure of a siren. He’d completed a Call, and humanity had benefited from it._
> 
> _Viktor liked surprises, he’d been surprising Yuuri since the first time that Yuuri had ever seen him skate, so it was about time that it was Yuuri’s turn._
> 
> _They showed up to their party late, with dripping hair and matching smiles, their hands swinging between them as they spoke animatedly about their plans for the upcoming year. Yuri made a gagging sound at the sight of them. Mari shot them a knowing look._
> 
> _Yuuri leaned in and kissed Viktor, holding him close._
> 
> _He certainly felt like he’d succeeded in something._
> 
> _“Hey, Yuuri,” Viktor whispered that night when they were curled up on his bed, their tails twined as much as they could, Yuuri’s head resting comfortably on his shoulder. He made a noise so Viktor knew that he was listening, prompting him to continue with whatever he was saying. “You did kill me, you know.”_
> 
> _“I… what?” Yuuri blinked, looking at his mate, squinting at him even without need for glasses._
> 
> _Viktor broke out in a fit of giggles, forcing out, “You killed me! You killed the human Viktor Nikiforov, but you just also made something brand new. You’re not a bad siren, because you, Yuuri Katsuki, slayed me.”_
> 
> _“I need to stop letting Phichit teach you English slang when we video chat,” Yuuri groaned, but smiled nonetheless, closing his eyes as he felt the fingers brush against the scales on his back._
> 
> _It wasn’t completely the ending he had been expecting, but it was good. Viktor took to being a siren well, and Yuuri loved waking up every morning with him, whether they were in the colony, or in their house in St. Petersburg, or with a colony they’d found near St. Petersburg that had accepted them, or in a small cottage Viktor had bought them in Hasetsu._
> 
> _Wherever they were, they were safe, and they were happy._
> 
> _It wasn’t at all what Yuuri was supposed to be, but he was undeniably pleased by it._
> 
> _Viktor wasn’t the only person that had been changed by his Call._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for enjoying this fic <3333
> 
> [check out the amazingly gorgeous art!!!](http://sisterchris.tumblr.com/post/164810785957/entry-for-the-2017-yoi-shit-bang-for-the)  
> again, my blog is [yoyoplisetsky](http://yoyoplisetsky.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> as always, thank you so much for reading my fic. comments/kudos are always so so appreciated <33


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